My first brush with death

(A version of this story first appeared on January 4, 2023 on The Heart of the Matter.)

I learned about death the hard way.

One day in the early 1970s, my mom picked me up from the neighbor lady who watched me during the day. When we got home, she told me that Shep, our lovable Collie, had died. He had gotten loose from his leash, strayed from the yard, and gotten hit by a passing car on the street.

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Saying goodbye to a good friend

Shep, who looked like Lassie from the TV show that ran from 1954 to 1973, rarely left the yard. On this day, though, something must have happened. My brothers and I wondered if something had scared him or someone had let him loose. In the end though, there was nothing we could do to change the reality of the situation, he was dead and we had lost a dear member of our family.

When my mother first told me the news, I understood the words, but not the full meaning. This was the first time I was seeing the concept of death up close and was confused.

• Where did Shep go and when would he be coming back?
• Why did Shep have to leave? (Lassie got hurt on TV all the time, but she always got better. Why didn’t Shep recover?)
• I didn’t get a chance to say goodbye. Would I get a chance to hug him one last time?

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Feeling the loss

It was hard for a five-year old like me to understand what had happened. Shep had been full of life and a gentle fluff of fur and love and now he was gone. I cried most of the night. My two brothers, who were just a few years older than me, were as shocked as I was, but they tried to calm me. They hugged me and told me that Shep knew that I loved him. He would be waiting in heaven for me with doggie kisses. 

Fifty some years later, I still don’t understand much about death. Oh, I’ve experienced my share of loss. I’ve seen family members, including my father, and close friends pass away, as well as numerous family pets, but I still have questions. Why does one person live and another die? Why do bad things happen to good people? Why don’t we get to say goodbye to our loved ones? 

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Taking the news hard

After Shep’s death, I fell into in a daze. I’m not sure how long it lasted, a couple of days, maybe even a couple of weeks. I just wanted Shep back. I still want him back. 

In the following weeks, though, I learned something that has helped immensely in dealing with tough situations and what matters most in life. When I focused on Shep’s death or even the image of him lying on the street, I felt sad and lonely. I felt like I had no control. When I focused on his life and how happy he made my family and me, I felt like he was still with me in spirit. 

Focus on the good.

When was the first time you saw death up close? How did you deal with it?