They lied to us

The world’s leading doctors and scientists lied to us, blatant, exaggerated lies.

First they told us that a glass of wine a day was good for us, then they said it was bad for us and then back again. You’re not sure what to believe.

Case in point: doctors have long told us that adults shrink as they get older. One study I saw stated that we start shrinking as early as 30. Women can gradually lose about two inches, men an inch between the ages of 30 to 70.

And that would be wrong. Oh I believed the lie like I’m sure you do. However, I have seen the light.

My company’s health insurer asks that we get a yearly biometric screening, measuring our height, weight, body mass index, blood pressure, cholesterol, and blood glucose. Yea, I hate these tests too, but if I meet certain strict prerequisites I can qualify to get as much as several hundred dollars added to my plan.

Oh the things we do for a few bucks.

In any event, thanks to this year’s test, I learned that I grew two inches taller. I’m now a solid 5 foot 9 inches tall. I couldn’t wait to call my wife with the good news. If the trend keeps up over the next two years, I’ll hit my childhood dream of breaking the 6 foot mark.

I couldn’t have been happier. My wife was less enthused. She didn’t believe the results. I proudly opened the screening info online to show her my good news. You would have thought I had just earned a promotion or a bonus. My smile stretched from one end of my face to the other.

My wife tried to bring me down by pointing out that possibly the medical technician forgot her glasses that day. I shook my head no. She suggested that I was having a bad hair day, skewing the results. She took one look at my receding hairline and quickly threw-out that suggestion on her own.

I suggested that I’m a medical marvel, turning back time. She didn’t like that answer either, but it’s got to be true: I’m getting taller.

If for nothing else, I’m excited that it gives me a few more pounds and greater leeway to hit the correct BMI — the measure of body fat based on height and weight — that the insurer says I should be.

Oh the games we play today to earn a few extra dollars.