A little bit of potty humor

The waiting room of the medical office was packed with patients. Most came with someone to drive them home after their procedure. The office was like an assembly line of sorts. One patient came out and three more went in. One of the nurses explained that the center performed 80 to 100 colonoscopies a day. (Oh, what a fun thought! Ugh!)

I was there with my wife. I was the plus one. I had one simple job. She needed me to hold her hand. And the after the procedure was done, I was to be her chauffeur. And yes, let’s just say, I was glad I was in the hand-holding seat and not the one going back for the procedure!

Of course, I tried to joke about the office and its high volume business. If you can’t laugh at some little kid potty humor in a place that does colonoscopies, then you’re in real trouble. My wife though wasn’t having any of it. Before we even walked into the office, she told me to behave. She sounded like she was lecturing one of our kids when they were little and on her last nerve. Once we were inside, as soon I started to say anything, she pointed a finger at me and told me to knock it off. Who me? I smiled trying to get her to change her mind, but she looked straight ahead like a drill sergeant.

I sat thinking of the strict rules: No fart jokes. No bathroom jokes. No dad jokes. Nothing.

Okay, okay, I hear you.

The nurse soon came to take my wife back for her procedure. Once I settled back down in my seat, I put my phone down and took a good look around. It hit me that you can categorize people into groups based on how they wait in a lobby or waiting room:

—You have your folks with their heads in their phones. Nowadays that’s most people. Everyone had their head down glued intently on whatever they had on their phones. The newest smartphone game. Current news events. Twitter, TikTok, Facebook or Instagram. Who knows? But everyone seemed more interested in their phones than anything else around them. I could have walked naked through the lobby and I doubt anyone would have given me a second notice. (And no, I wasn’t about to try it out.)

—You have the Chatty Cathy’s. These folks hate the mere idea of silence. They want to talk with whoever they can find. It could be another family member or the person sitting next to them. They’ll speak with whoever will talk with them. They seemed lost until they found someone to chat with.

—A close version of the Chatty Cathy’s are the “I never leave home without my cell phone” folks. These are the folks who pull out their phones even in the middle of a busy waiting room. They talk to their hearts content. One woman felt the need to talk for twenty minutes. You need to know how to make a bundt cake? I’m your man. Thanks to her phone conversation, I now know everything there is to know about bundt cakes. She would have continued talking. However, a small petite woman intervened and asked if she could take it out of the waiting room. If anyone asks, I’ve given up on Superman. I have a new hero: The Waiting Room Superhero!

—You have your readers. These are the organized folks who were smart enough to bring something to read. I saw one women with the latest from Colleen Hoover, It Starts with Us. Another guy had a tomb for a book. I couldn’t make out the title, but it looked thick enough to be War and Peace. I sure hoped that the visit wasn’t going to take that much time. In any event, you need someone to plan your next event, these are the people you need. They think ahead and are on the ball.

—You have the zen masters. These people are the catnappers and deep breathing meditation masters of the waiting room. One woman seemed ready to position herself in a half lotus pose. She looked prepared to lead the rest of the waiting room through a meditation or yoga class at the top of the hour.

Oh, the people you find in a waiting room. Which one are you?