Coming face-to-face with toxic leadership

My coworker and I waited for the elevator. We were heading back to work. I had helped proof a report for him and he thanked me by taking me to lunch. He was the finance guy, I was the comms guy. We didn’t work a lot together, but I was happy to help him.

He was a bit senior than me, but we had a great relationship. I teased him about being a “nuts and bolts numbers guy,” he called me the “fluffy word guy.” It helped that he originally came from New York and was a Mets fan. He was easy to tease.

We were still razzing each other when the elevator opened. Our boss’ boss was already on and we nodded and said hello. I had done work for her plenty of times but she said nothing back and just kept looking down at her shoes.

After a few minutes, she finally asked my coworker a question about some finance-related meeting they were going to be attending later in the week. She spoke with him easily but did not address or acknowledge my presence. Even though their discussion had moved to lighter topics, including the traffic coming into work that morning and the weather forecast for the rest of the week, I couldn’t help but feel like I was an interloper, interrupting some deep confidential strategy session. 

An old farmer who I worked with one summer as a college student had little time for arrogant and pretentious behavior and used to have a name for the leader’s actions. He used to call people like that pretenders and talked about how they were “putting on airs” — meaning someone who acts superior or behaves as if they are more important than others.

I thought about her this week. By contrast, another former boss celebrated a birthday this week and I was thinking about how she used to go out of her way for her team. She was several ladder steps above me, but she always found time for me. When I was laid off a few years ago, we hadn’t worked together in years, but she still called to check-up on me. 

I can’t help but think about the strange contrasts between the two. The first executive couldn’t lower herself to acknowledge me and, in turn, I never felt much loyalty to the mission statement and goals she was trying to get the team to heed. The goals were full of merit, but in her hands, they felt hollow. She wasn’t the worst boss I ever had, but I always felt like she was in it for herself. By contrast, the second manager had a bigger title, more status so-to-speak, but she went out of her way to make you feel comfortable, and I, in turn, would’ve run through a brick wall for her. 

Workers face a lot of challenges in today’s workplace. A great manager doing the simple basic things can make a ton of difference.

Yes, lock pretense and status and arrogance in a closet where they belong and be the difference.