The many versions of me

In one version of me, I exercise and run every day. In this version of me, I must live in San Diego or somewhere beautiful and warm, because the sun is out and sparkling and I look cool as a peach. I like this version. I drink cucumber smoothies for breakfast, have six-pack abs, and look like I could give Brad Pitt a run for his money.

Eat your heart out Brad.

Let’s all open our books!

In another version, I’m in front of a classroom full of college students and I’m walking the class through my syllabus and explaining how participation and attendance matter and that the smart students, the ones who will walk out of the class with an “A,” will be the ones who come to my office hours and seek out help outside of class. I look like I’m straight out of a Hollywood casting call, the only thing I’m missing is the tweed jacket with patches over my elbows.

Hello Harvard.

A holy man

In another crazy version, I can barely say it, yup, I’m a priest, I wear a priestly collar and I’m consoling an elderly widow one minute and then helping a young student overcome a troubling home situation the next. A priest? Who would’ve thought that a religious calling was in the mix. Lest anyone think too highly of me or take this vision too seriously, I’m just as likely to get a vision of me as a crazy bar owner who likes to get up on the bar, sing along and sway to Billy Joel’s The Piano Man and when the song is over, shout out that the next round is on the house. 

Oh, these are some crazy visions!

Surprises behind every turn

Last year, I read Matt Haig’s book, The Midnight Library, which ponders the infinite possibilities of life and have been giving a lot of thought to my own life and the choices I’ve made. The book goes down a different path than what I’m talking about, the main character commits suicide and there’s some supernatural forces at work, but my imagination has been on overdrive thinking about the lives and careers that could’ve been or almost were. 

I’m especially stuck with how things worked out the way they did. For example, when I was first accepted to college, a career counselor sat down with me to help me figure out my major and to schedule classes. I remember him specifically asking what I liked. The conversation was so surreal, it felt like picking out a career out of a box of Cracker Jack Popcorn.

Eliminating a few options

I remember that I had no idea what I wanted, but I told him that I liked to write, that I hated it significantly less than my peers. The poor guy. He was just trying to help a clueless kid pick out his schedule.

“You like writing Brian, then maybe you’ll like this.” If I gave a grimace. He would say, “Oh okay, no English Literature, how about some Psychology or Sociology? You like that? Yea, yea, that will work.”

Behind Door Number Three

I liked journalism and that stuck, but other careers opportunities could have easily come to the forefront. Oh, I looked at other opportunities over the next four years and the many years since, but it’s still fascinating the twists and turns our life takes us.

Yes, yes, at one point in time in my life — early in my life, I must add — I thought I might want to become a kind-hearted priest. Oh, baseball player, stunt car driver, psychiatrist, veterinarian, investigative reporter, TV sitcom writer, lawyer, professor, politician, nonprofit executive, billionaire mogul, elementary school teacher, hermit, and Disney monorail driver have been on that list too.

I’m not sure about the other roles, but I’m still holding out hope that Disney gives me a call. I would be the best monorail driver in the world! Hello Disney, are you out there?

Oh, the choices

The visions come to me all the time. Runner Brian watches what he eats. He even likes spinach, cauliflower, and Brussels sprouts. (Um, hello, Earth to Brian, Earth to Brian. Are you crazy?) World traveler Brian can tell you the best time to travel to Paris to see the Eiffel Tower or to travel on an African safari. He doesn’t have a family and is willing to travel at a moment’s notice.

Beachcomber Brian gets up everyday before the crack of dawn to take magnificent shots of the sunrise and look for interesting seashells. He seems calmer and more at peace than CEO Brian who has famous movers and shakers on speed dial on his smartphone and can make the stock market rise or fall with just a few specific comments to the industry press.

Mirror, mirror, on the wall

I’m fascinated by these different versions of me, but the end of the day, I prefer the Brian looking back at me in the mirror to the one in my different visions. Oh, I like some of the traits I see, yes, I like how some are more forceful and decisive than others. I like how kind and supportive a few of the versions are and, yes, I could stand getting back into the running routine like Running Man Brian, but the “Brian” in many of the visions doesn’t seem as grounded. He seems more one dimensional.

Plus, he would miss out on the best part of my life, he’d miss out on the life that I’ve built with my wife and family in the here and now. I’ll stick with this Brian.