Drooling With Envy at Today’s Toys

Today is the twenty-fifth anniversary of 9/11. I have vivid memories of the day and have written about it in the past. Some of the most profound writing I’ve ever read came days later in the obituaries of the people lost in the attacks. There will be any number of things written and said about this year’s memorial. I considered adding my own two cents, but thought the best way of remembering those lost is to make the most of today and to let hate never win out.

So today, I’m choosing joy, nostalgia, and a little bit of childlike wonder. 

Peace be with you.

* * *

When my generation was growing up, we had some awesome things. We had the Evel Knievel Stunt Cycle that you could wind up and launch off every type of makeshift ramp; Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots; the classic, frustratingly addictive electronic memory game Simon; and, of course, Silly Putty and Silly String.

But lately, I’ve noticed a few things that have caught my eye. Actually, scratch that—these things make me drool with envy.

—Larger Than Life

We had Hot Wheels and Matchbox cars that we pushed around on the living room rug. Kids today? They get life-sized versions.

I came across an ad the other day for the Hot Wheels Monster Trucks Live Glow-N-Fire show, featuring massive, real-life versions of iconic Mattel toys. We’re talking trucks with names like:

• Mega Wrex
• Tiger Shark
• Bone Shaker
• HW 5-Alarm
• Skelesaurus
• Rhinomite

The organizers promise giant trucks, fiery stunts, and gravity-defying motocross tricks. Umm, hello? Sign me up! And I’m not even a car guy.

—Speed Demon

Sure, we had amusement parks back then, but have you looked at the rides lately? Speed is the name of the game, and the engineering has gone completely off the rails. If I were to ride one of these rides today, oh my poor back. I feel it spasming just thinking about it. We rode wooden coasters with squeaky rails; today’s kids ride engineering marvels designed by NASA-level sadists.

• Tormenta Rampaging Run (Six Flags Over Texas): Launched in late June, this “thrill machine” is already considered the world’s tallest, fastest, and longest dive coaster. It stands at a staggering 309 feet, features a 285-foot beyond-vertical drop, a 179-foot vertical loop, and screams along at 87 mph.
• Siren’s Curse (Cedar Point): Not to be outdone, this steel coaster in Sandusky, Ohio—themed after the mythical sirens of Lake Erie—offers a sinister two-minute journey. It drags riders 160 feet into the air before tilting them completely face-down for a 90-degree drop.

It’s just beautifully, wonderfully crazy.

—A Total Power Trip

We had cool banana-seat bikes. Kids today have electric ones.

In the final scene of Back to the Future, Doc Brown fires up his flying DeLorean and drops that iconic line: “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

Well, back in the day, we needed hills to get any real speed on our bikes. Kids today can hop on a standard e-bike and casually cruise between 20 and 28 mph (32 to 45 km/h) on flat pavement. Of course, emergency room statistics suggest progress comes with a few extra arm casts, but hey—progress has a price!”

—Bring Your “A” Game.

Pong was all the rage back in our day. P-u-l-l-e-a-s-e! How quaint. How 1975.

The gaming industry is massive business now, with blockbuster titles dropping constantly. Across PC, PlayStation, Xbox, and mobile behemoths like Fortnite, Roblox, Call of Duty, Grand Theft Auto V, and Minecraft hold millions of players captive daily.

The evolution from our childhood living rooms to today’s setups is gargantuan:

Feature	Then (Atari’s 1972 Pong)	Now (Modern Gaming)
Visuals & Realism	Black-and-white, simple 2D geometry	3D motion-captured physics, photorealistic lighting, complex level design
Mechanics	Strictly 2D with basic up-and-down paddle movement	Deep physics, power-ups, fully destructible environments, open worlds
Accessibility	Simple enough for anyone to pick up; limited to local 2-player	Deep progression systems, global matchmaking, massive multiplayer communities

Go big or go home!

What do you think?

So I’ll turn it over to you: If you could drop one modern gadget or toy into the hands of your 10-year-old self, what would it be? Or do you still think nothing tops a wind-up Evel Knievel cycle and a cardboard ramp? Drop your favorite in the comments below!