We’ve got a man down!

If things were up to me, Earth would stop spinning on its axis today. Life as we know it would take a timeout. No school. No work. I’m not asking for a complete shutdown—nothing like that. Instead, I want the world and all its crazy passengers to take a short time-out.

We often have an intense desire for the world to stop or slowdown when we have a death in our family. It’s nothing like that. My family is fine. Everyone is fine. Time needs to stop because . . . well, I’m feeling under the weather.

I had a serious cold and cough three weeks ago. I suffered through it like a good soldier for a few days, and thankfully it moved on. Two good golf claps, a dutiful thumbs-up, and it’s time to move on, right? However, I came home late last week, and my throat felt scratchy. As the night wore on, I developed a persistent, hacking cough. I never got a fever, but I felt run down and drained. I felt like I had run ten miles up a mountain.

Mount Everest? K2? No, just me pulling myself up from the couch and dragging myself to an early bedtime. In recent days, my cough, cold, and sniffling nose has continued to get worse. I feel like I’m in a constant state of fog and uneasiness. Yes, we checked for covid — all is fine there.

In the words of my wife, I have “man flu.”

On my deathbed

She says it with kindness, but full of dripping sarcasm. It’s the mocking term some folks give men claiming that we exaggerate the symptoms of a common cold or minor respiratory illness.

In her eyes, she sees me milking this for all its worth. Imagine Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford from the 70s show Sanford and Son. In a running gag on the show, Foxx would clutch his chest and fake a “heart attack” to get out of work and to manipulate his son, Lamont.

“It’s the big one! You hear that Elizabeth, I’m coming to join ya, honey!”

In reality, I’m just trying to breathe again without wheezing. I remind my wife that researchers have studied the sexes and some research suggests that men may experience worse symptoms than women due to weaker immune systems or higher vulnerability to complications.

Pushing up daisies

In particular, one study found evidence that men have higher rates of influenza-related hospitalizations and deaths. Other research suggests that lower testosterone levels may lead to better immune responses, while higher testosterone may suppress the immune system, potentially making men more susceptible to severe viral symptoms.

When my wife goes to the kitchen to get me a glass of water, I pull up several different research stories on man flu. I make sure to close out the ones that poke holes or raise questions about the premise. On my large-screen monitor, I put front and center the ones from distinguished sources like the Harvard Medical School saying that man flu might just be a thing.

Yea, how about them Apples!

A visit from the Grim Reaper

My wife rolls her eyes at me. When she goes out to get me some more cough medicine and ginger ale to calm my stomach, I thank her for her help. I know how fortunate I am. I have no idea if man flu is true or not, I just know that I’m a horrible patient. And if I ever lost her, I’d be in real trouble.

I’m sick with a spring cold, but I still keep my twisted, gallows humor. I joke with her that I need help getting back into bed. Clean-up needed on Aisle 8. We’ve got a man down.

I tell my wife not to laugh too much at me. I remind her that the odds are against her. She’s a teacher and often comes home with a cold or flu that she picked up from one of her kids. If I’m getting sick, the chances are high that I got the cold from her. And she’s probably not far behind me.

Yes, the world needs to stop and take a break until we both feel better!

Sanford & Son – It’s the big one Elizabeth