Can you help me Nurse?

The nurse wheeled my wife through the double doors, and I opened the car door and helped her inside to the passenger seat. My wife had a medical procedure on Friday. We had expected that she would be able to come home the same day, but the procedure went longer than anticipated and she needed to stay overnight.

I’ve had to play nurse over the weekend and will need to help her out until she’s completely back on her feet. She can’t carry anything more than a few pounds and is supposed to rest and get better. 

When my mom was a little girl, she imagined herself working as a nurse helping people. I’m not sure what happened, but that dream skipped right past me. I’m trying to be a good nurse, but my bedside manner is more along the lines of Nurse Ratched from the movie One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, and leaves a few things to be desired. 

I can’t put my finger on it, but I think I might be doing something wrong. What do you think about some of these comments:

–When we got home from the hospital, I snapped my fingers and asked, “Are you better yet?”

–When she woke up from her nap, I asked, “Hey honey, the guys want to know if I can go out with them to watch some baseball and drink a few beers. What do you think?”

–Late Sunday evening when she asked what I was thinking for dinner? I asked her, “Who wants a five-course dinner when Dominoes delivers? Or, hey, McDonald’s, anyone?”

–She seemed really upset with me when I asked if she wanted a glass of wine. (The nurse advised no alcohol and to go light on the caffeine for two weeks to help encourage healing and speed-up post-surgery recovery.)

–The doctor told me that she should rest, but I should still encourage her to get up and around. Naturally I called her “a chicken” for not wanting to go to the gym or go with me for a three-mile run.

My wife didn’t like any of my comments. I have no idea why, I’m just trying to help. What do you think?

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Since I first posted this piece, I thought it might be wise to give an update and explain that my comments in the post are an exaggeration and said in jest. I wouldn’t want to give anyone the wrong impression and to think that I haven’t been a serviceable caregiver. My wife is doing well and getting back on her feet.