Life’s Kodak Moments

When we think of great moments to remember, especially as parents, we tend to take imaginary snapshots of the smiles and laughs. I’m dating myself, but we used to call these events: Kodak Moments, the idea that there are certain moments in life that are so precious, they deserve to be captured and preserved forever.

They tend to be classic moments: births, first steps, first words, graduations, learning to ride a bike, first day of school pictures, vacations, birthday parties, getting a driver’s license, proms, weddings and the like. Fellow blogger and friend Wynne Leon wrote about these moments recently in her blog post Perfect Moment, pointing out her realization that sometimes these moments have nothing to do with perfect smiles or poses or “spending a gazillion dollars on an experience.”

Wynne wrote: “I think perfect moments might be when the inside of me meets the inside of another, and in the process learns something real about being human.” I couldn’t get her idea out of my head the rest of the day. I kept thinking about some of those “not so perfect” moments in my life that have meant the world to me.

I cherish these everyday memories full of faults and flaws as much as any orchestrated family picture where our hair is styled perfectly and we’re all smiling back at the camera. Here’s three of them:

• Pappy’s not coming back. When my father died 19 years ago, my two oldest kids were relatively young. My youngest hadn’t even been born yet. My mother and then my brother called in the early evening to give me the news. I remember taking the call and being on the floor, using the seat of the couch to write down the name of the funeral home and putting my head in my hands. My memory is off in spots. I couldn’t tell you what my daughter and son were doing when the call came, but I remember a small pair of hands on my back telling me that I was loved. My elementary school aged daughter was trying to make me feel better. If that doesn’t hit you in the heart, nothing will. We were cautious about the kids attending my dad’s funeral, but we had some alone time with his casket. Right before it was time to leave, my son lightly touched the casket and said “I love you Pappy, I’m never going to forget you.” He stopped for a second and then mentioned that he would be sure to help grammy take care of their dog. Yes, that memory still gets me in the heart every time.

• Oh, you mean this is for real. When we dropped our daughter off at college for the first time, my wife and I knew it would be hard on us, since she was the first child to leave home. We failed to realize though, how it might affect our two sons. We assumed everything would be the same since they had their own activities to keep them busy. Boy, were we wrong! We gave our daughter a hug and walked to the car. When I got in the car, my wife and I both felt a hollow feeling. We looked over and smiled weakly at each other. I started the car and prepared to leave when I heard tears coming from the back seat. Wait? What’s going on back there? Her two brothers were broken up. I couldn’t fix it. I couldn’t make it better. The four of us talked briefly and shared a few things we would miss the most about my daughter and then we started on our way. It was hard at first, but fortunately about fifteen minutes into our trip, everything shifted. We all realized that things would be different, but we would get over the mountain together.

• When you need Superman. When my youngest son was little, he loved the 2006 Disney Car’s movie. He had small Hot Wheels cars of all the characters. Of course, his favorite was a slick painted version of Lightening McQueen. The car went everywhere with him, from his room to the dining room table to doctor’s trips and to the basement. He kept it close by. You never know when you need some Lightening McQueen in your life! He would inevitably lose it somewhere along his daily path. He would come running with tears in his eyes and my wife would do her magic and find the lost toy. Yes, she wears a cape under her outfit. However, as he got older, we learned that we couldn’t solve every problem. He wasn’t looking for his toy car anymore. Instead he had big people problems. Some problems like making friends or figuring out what he wanted in life, he would resolve himself or even live with the consequences. I’m thinking about college acceptances and declines. There were some ups and some downs. I remember joking one time that okay, he wouldn’t be going to Harvard and how it was their loss. He smiled, but kept on working on his homework. We had those challenges with all three of my kids. There were some real disappointments and even the tears along the way. I wish they didn’t have to happen, but I’m glad for them all the same, they’ve made my kids and even me more resilient and better able to handle adversity.

Yes, we’ve been fortunate to have a ton of Kodak Moments too. The birthday parties, graduations, Christmas’, and vacations have been amazing. I’ve learned, though, that the perfect moments are more than just a smile.

What matters is the love you share.

Images by Pexels.