I really said that?

Most people hate the sound of their own voice on audio recordings. I learned this several years ago when I was occasionally asked to line up guests for a podcast one of my former employers used to run. I would help out by approaching people to be on the podcast and mocking up questions that would be addressed on air.

If I heard it once from potential guests, I heard it a thousand times, “I hate the sound of my voice.” I get that it can be a disconcerting experience.

Researchers blame the hatred on a mix of physiology and psychology. For one, when you listen to your own recorded voice, it tends to sound less rich and full, and has more of nasal sound because the sound from an audio recording is transmitted differently to your brain, than the sound generated when you speak. You’re no longer hearing the lower-frequency, bone-conducted portion of the sound.

We don’t sound like the person we think we sound like, and we don’t like that.

Yikes, Help me!

This is my long way of saying that I’ve been on four podcasts now with Wynne Leon and Vicki Atkinson on the Heart of The Matter and I cringe every time I play them back. Oh, don’t get me wrong, I love talking with Wynne and Vicki. I have learned a ton from them about writing and relationships.

I cringe at how I sound on the podcasts. My head churns. Did I really say that? Did I even answer the question? C’mon on Vicki and Wynne, you need to tell me to shut up!

I haven’t stuttered or stammered on a podcast yet. I wrote recently in my post, Overcoming my stutter, about the stammer I had as a kid. However, I always laugh when I listen and hear how I say certain things, talk too fast, or how I don’t always finish a statement.

I’m my own worst critic.

Give it a break!

I’ve learned something though from the experience. Right after this latest episode, I was still being hard on myself, when I saw Christoper Germer’s quote on giving ourselves a break. He says, “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.”

Hmm, maybe there’s some insight there. If someone else were to say the same criticisms, I suspect that I would tell them that they were making a mountain out of a molehill. I would assuage their concerns and tell them to give themselves a break.

I guess I need to take my own advice.

Check it out!

In any event, Wynne and Vicki posted the latest episode of the Sharing the Heart of the Matter podcast on Friday. We start by talking about the challenges of writing about family and then take off in a million different fun directions. If you haven’t had a chance, be sure to check it out.

Search (and subscribe!) for Sharing the Heart of the Matter on Apple, Amazon, Spotify or Pocket Casts OR Listen to on Anchor Episode 44: Hot Tips for Writing About Family with Brian Hannon.

Transcript for Episode 44 of the podcast.

Thanks Wynne and Vicki for having me. It was a blast, even if it sounds crazy to me.

Images by Pexels.

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63 thoughts on “I really said that?”

    1. I used to smirk when I would see interviews with actors and actresses and they would say that after-the-fact they couldn’t watch their own work. I just heard it the other day from some big name star, maybe Ben Affleck or someone like that. It sounds so pompous, but thinking about it now, I get it completely. It’s torture like you say, but I have to remember that I’m biased and need to give myself a break. Good luck with your future interviews Chris!

      Liked by 2 people

  2. I look forward to listening to this. Interesting piece and I learned some new things about why we don’t like the sounds of our own voices. Thanks. Self-love seems to be an ongoing exercise for many of us.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Ooh, I never considered the physiology reason for disliking audio recordings of our voice, but it makes sense. Fascinating! Haven’t checked out the podcast yet, but it’s on my to-do list for this week. 😊

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks so much Erin. Yes, kind of crazy to think about the reasons why our voices sound one way to us in our heads, but then another when we hear them played back. For me, it’s lesson # 510 why I would never be a great singer or musician. Ha, ha. Love your posts today. Thanks for stopping by.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. You, you, you…what are we going to do with you, Brian! You sound amazing! You have a warm and engaging “radio”…err podcast voice and when I listen to you, I hear a pro – someone who’s enthused by life, ready to be of service and oh-so observant and thoughtful. I DO understand your point, however…that pesky inner critic. I still think I sound like a dork when I listen back, but the fact that we’re having fun while learning and visiting with people we enjoy? It helps me tune out my own soundtrack. Here’s to #5…podcasts, that is…whenever you’re inspired again with another gem of a topic. 🥰😎🥰

    Liked by 3 people

      1. Are you questioning my appraisal of you…LOL?!? And….there’s this: You’ve been hanging out with me long enough to know I’m not that kind! I think you just need to get comfy with your podcasting self. 😎

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      2. Ha, ha, I’m just convinced that it should be the Vicki and Wynne show every week. You guys don’t need guests. You’re funny and entertaining on your own. In the pantheon of partners, there’s Abbott & Costello, Hope & Crosby, Bert & Ernie, Batman & Robin, Bonnie & Clyde, Thelma & Louise, Woody & Buzz Lightyear . . . and Vicki & Wynne!!!! Ha, ha. 😎😎😎😎

        Liked by 2 people

      3. Hilarious…you do comedy, too, don’t you?! “Pantheon of Partners”?? Wait til Wynne catches up to see THAT. Too funny…and yet…I CAN see the Bert & Ernie parallels….hmmm! 🤣

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  6. It is so hard to hear our voice with out outer ear. What? That’s not me, is it? I like to image we would eventually get used to it and maybe, with some effort, learn to love it?

    Liked by 1 person

  7. I agree I don’t like the sound of my voice. Also, I’m my own worst critique. I think a challenging thing about writing about family is not wanting to hurt anyone. My dad texted me after I wrote about my mom’s suicide attempt that he had never been so hurt. I’m wondering if he ever knew about it? I certainly wasn’t writing to hurt him but it was an unintended consequence.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. You bring up a great point about unintended consequences and I think about that often. When I write, I want to be careful about other’s feelings and how something will touch them. As an example, my mother is still alive and often reads my pieces, I want to respect her wishes the best I can. Saying all that, I think of it almost in journalistic standards. I also have a duty to myself to tell my story. In the example you gave, I get it, you want to be sensitive to your father, but it’s not just his story. It impacted you. You wrote how it touched you and I suspect is a story that you felt an urge to get off your chest. People may not always like what I write, but I find they’re at least agreeable to talk about it, when I explain it from that perspective. Make sense?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, that makes so much sense. I didn’t focus on my dad rather than mention a messy divorce. He’s still alive too, so I do try to use caution when writing about our family history. But you’re correct, it was my story and I was impacted. I also learned from my daughter that she doesn’t appreciate me sharing much about her life, so I talk to her first.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. My kids were sensitive for awhile, but they’re generally fine now. I still try to run anything by them when I write about them. I think they’ve come to see that most times I’m writing less about them and more about my actions or what was going through my thoughts/emotions.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. That’s so true! Maybe they used FB too at the time? I rarely use it anymore and neither of my kids do. My DIL and siblings read WP. There’s seven of them, so that greatly increases my readership 😂

        Liked by 1 person

  8. This is exactly how I felt after listening to my nasally voice on Wynne and Vicki’s podcast. It was so much fun doing a podcast with those two but I absolutely cringe when I hear myself speak. In fact, I did two podcasts with them and even though I felt so warmly welcomed, I noticed that they both sound so natural and at ease whereas I sound stiff and uptight. I can’t wait to pop over and listen to your talk! I think you’re right, we’re too hard on ourselves. I could use a few tips on writing about family. It can be tricky for sure. Hugs. C

    Liked by 2 people

    2. You sounded fabulous. I think it’s Brian’s explanation about how our voice sounds different from going through our bones in our head. I got swim headphones that go through the bones not ears and air — and they sound better too!

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  10. Congrats on being featured on the podcast! I look forward to hearing the episode.

    And I hear ya on the sound of one’s own voice bit. Definitely never how we imagine ourselves sounding! But I bet you have so much great things to say, if your writing is any indication.

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  12. I love the explanation of why we hate to hear our own voices, Brian. I don’t like hearing myself either although I’ve learned to tune it out. You’ve offered me a lovely piece of grace in this post to remember to be kind to myself.

    As for you? You sound awesome! It’s so much fun to have you on the podcast. Believe me, I understand the lovely point you’re making (see paragraph 1) but your self-criticism has absolutely no foundation. You are one of the people I enjoy learning from, along with Vicki, the most!! Thanks for the shout-out! ❤ ❤ ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Brian my friend, lighten up my Comedic Professor! You did a great job on that podcast. Loved the points you brought out and they are applicable to our lives on so many levels. I am hard on myself too. Hearing my voice even on my podcast sounds like someone else I don’t know, but I suppose that is that dreaded side of perfectionism that haunts me. You stop being so hard on yourself my friend. Leave that to others to do for you! LOL 🤣 Hugs and smooches! 😍💖🥰🎤🌞

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yes, it did make sense, so while it’s okay to do a self-evaluation from time to time, don’t beat yourself up. Trust me, I have seen and heard some things that I have to ask, WHY??? Oh well, stay empowered! 🥰💪🏼😘

        Liked by 1 person

  15. As a preacher, this is a constant problem for me. It was only a few years ago that I learned of the bone conduction element of hearing my own voice. Understanding that made a big difference to me.

    Liked by 2 people

      1. I’ve been doing open mics for the last few years. Acapella version of Johnny Cash, Hank Williams, etc. One thing I’ve learned is that most people are actually hoping you do well. A few don’t really care, and only a small, small minority might be hoping you fail.

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Hi Brian,
    Self-compassion is so hard to come by because we are our own worst critics. I was invited to be on my first podcast that will air next year, but we’re Zooming next month. I’m pretty nervous, but will try to stay calm and talk as natural as possible. Fingers crossed! 🙂 I’m sure you did great and I’m heading over to listen now.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I’m my own worst critic … the funny thing is that in my job I often help with corp comms and often provide business leaders talking points and help them with presentations. I often tell them to go easy on themselves. Kind of ironic. It’s just hard to give myself the same advice. Ha ha!

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