When there’s 10 percent left!

There’s a meme that I keep coming across that says that by the time your children turn 18 years old, you will have spent 90% of the time you will ever spend with them. I saw the meme again on social media for what felt like the millionth time a few weeks ago, right after my youngest son, who had made a rare visit home, left to go back to college.

My kids are grown or close to being grown, so it’s kind of a depressing thought. I have no idea if the meme is true, no one ever cites a trusted parenting or medical source for coming up with stat, but it sure feels real enough. I’m fascinated with how someone would go about measuring something like that, but that’s a story for another day. The meme, though, pulls on the heart strings!

Image by Maria Mileta by Pexels.

Adjusting to life on our own

The meme implies that life as an empty nester is all downhill. I’m not sure I buy that. With that meme in mind, I have a few suggestions for embracing this new life. I’m not sure this works for everyone, but it’s helped me:

• Accept your feelings. I try to remember the good times and the wonderful memories. My kids have been an important part of my life. I love looking back on old pictures and events in our lives. At the same time, though, I try to stay busy and make new goals. The memories are important, it’s just as important to make new ones.
• Start new traditions. My wife and I have a regular routine now where we go out for Saturday morning breakfast. It’s not every weekend, but it’s many of them. We use the time to catch up and take a deep breath. When we had kids, we rarely had time for each other. As funny as it sounds, I can’t imagine not having our “Saturday Trips Out” now.
• Embrace technology. When I was a young man and my brother was in the military, it was extremely hard for my mom to keep up with him. The communication channels were limited to landline phone and letters. With each of our kids now, we text every few days, we call maybe every other week and more if they need to chat. And then maybe once a month, one of our calls will be a FaceTime call. It’s great to have technology to help pave the way.

Image by Maria Mileta by Pexels.

• Follow your kids lead and build new relationships with them. I’m amazed how our relationships have changed, especially with the two oldest ones. I think a big part of it has been me realizing that they are their own people. I try not to get in their way. They have to make their own choices. I try to advise, but in the end, it’s their choice. For the longest time, I kept lecturing my youngest son that he should go to his professor’s office hours. I harped and harped on the idea, how important they were and how much he would get out of the experience. Finally it hit me, it’s not my choice, it’s not my life, it’s his. I gave him the advice, I did my job, the next move is up to him.
• Schedule vacation time away. My wife and I are trying to get better at this. We schedule weekends, but we haven’t really scheduled much vacation time with just us yet. We’re working on it. We need some suggestions. Anyone got one?
• Take time for self-care and relaxation. Finally, I’ve found it helpful to use our newfound time to take care of ourselves. Yes, it’s amazing when the kids come home, but it’s nice too to have a life. Yes, yes, we have our life too!