Leaving home

My friends say we’re being silly, but my wife and I are convinced that our kids are “abandoning” us, leaving us for brighter more exciting lights.

Our daughter drove back to college this weekend; our son will be leaving home in less than twenty-some days to start boot camp. They’ve given up the comforts of a nice fun home, for life’s crazy adventures.

We’ve been trying to figure out why our kids are more interested hitting the road than hanging out with us.

We’re good parents. We’re nice. Why would anyone want to leave?

They’re like little baby birds that leave the nest and never come back. I’ve come up with a few ideas why they keep leaving:

• They could be running from my wife’s bad breath. Yea, yea, she claims that it’s me who has the stinky breath, but we all know the truth.
• They could be running because of Pennsylvania’s cold temperatures. I stepped outside one recent morning and the temperature gauge in my car barely hit the18° Fahrenheit mark. Oh joy, another cold day. Why didn’t we move to San Diego or Miami years ago when we had the chance. We wouldn’t have had to move that far away. North Carolina, South Carolina, Georgia would have been fine choices. We just should’ve moved to a warmer climate years ago.
• They could be running because I made the mistake as young father of telling them the sky was the limit and for them to follow their dreams. What was I thinking? The heck with my big ideas. I should have kept my mouth shut.

Sure, you think I’m joking, but why would they ever leave. I’m a good guy. I rarely ever wake them up early on weekend mornings to get them to clean the house. I never yell at them for getting dirt and mud in my car. My refrigerator is usually packed with junk food. Why leave?

If that’s not enough, we took our youngest son out shopping this weekend. The three of us were having fun, laughing and talking and enjoying the afternoon, until we looked up and noticed that he was stepping further and further away from us like we had the flu and he was worried about catching it too.

Hello, where do you think you’re going. Come back to the light. 

Oh sure, he claimed that he was taking a closer look at a birthday present for his mom, but we’re onto him. We see the writing on the wall. We’re pretty sure he was trying to get away from us and he’s not even old enough to drive. Thanks to that move, he can forget about ever learning to drive and getting the keys to the car.

Oh, those prankster kids.

My wife and I have plans though to get back at them. We’ve decided that one day we’re going go on a surprise trip and we’re not going tell them when we’ll be back. I’m thinking an expensive trip to an exotic location.

They’ll come back to the nest and we won’t be there. Ha, ha, that will show them.