Somewhere Over Pennsylvania

I got my sister-in-law’s text message somewhere over Pennsylvania. I was headed home, crammed in my tiny plane seat, after several days working in Florida. The message was short and direct. I read it three times. Her father-in-law had died.

I knew the news might be coming. My brother-in-law had tipped me off about his father’s deteriorating condition. His father had lived a long life. In recent weeks, though, he was struggling. His kidneys and liver were failing. It was only a matter of time.

And yet the finality still hit hard. The words “passed away” glided in and out of my thoughts like the plane soaring left and right, making its return home.

My Own Father

The message pulled me back twenty-three years to when I learned my own father had died. My father had a history of heart issues, but the reality still shook me. One evening he went to get a shower and suffered sudden cardiac arrest. His heart had given everything it had. He died instantly.

When my mom called to give me the news, I felt woozy and out of it. It was like I had stood in the boxing ring against a heavyweight pro and taken punishing blows to the head and body. I sat on the couch with my face in my hands. I was drained of emotion.

In that instance two decades ago, I put down the phone and looked across the room at my wife. She had been listening to my conversation and was already starting to tear up. I immediately thought of our two young children, with one on the way, and finally broke down.

I couldn’t believe what I had heard. It felt like a bad nightmare.

Like Yesterday

Flying home last week, I felt that old numbness and nausea again. You’re relieved that a loved one is finally free from pain, but death is never a text you’re ready to read. The channel that lets us share funny emojis and smiley faces comes up lacking when you’re talking about death. It doesn’t handle death’s door very well. Heck, news like that for a relative, friend, or even an acquaintance never gets easier.

Oh, life is a crazy. Just when we think we have it under control, it sends us off in a different direction. Oh, the joys and the struggles. It’s what makes life interesting.

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