Hello, my name is . . .

I hate introductions and icebreakers.

They’re awkward. They’re frustrating. They make you doubt yourself. For a variety of reasons, I’ve found myself in professional situations lately where I’ve needed to introduce myself and engage in some type of ice-breaker. You know what I mean, you’re in a small group and you’re asked to tell something fun about yourself. Or the leader asks you to tell two truths and a lie. Or how about this one: You need to introduce yourself and tell everyone your go-to karaoke song.

“Yea, I’m a former astronaut. I hate Pennsylvania winters. And I have three kids.” Oh boy, I wonder which is the lie? Ugh.

And let me get this right, Karaoke? Me? Have you heard me sing? No freaking way.

I’m horrible at introductions. I stutter, I fumble them. I worry about what others want or need to know about me. On top of it, I never remember what others are saying because I’m so focused trying to figure out what to say about myself. “Um, what’s your name again, I completely missed it.”

If it’s a large group, I usually volunteer to go first. Not because I’m a saint or enjoy it. I volunteer so that I get my introduction out of the way. Plus, it means that if I’m lucky most people will forget what I’ve said. So, when I see a great introduction, I have to stand up and applaud. Here’s a few introductions that I’ve taken note of over the years.

There’s the passionate introductions:

–Robert Duvall as Hub McCann in the movie Secondhand Lions:

“I’m Hub McCann. I’ve fought in two World Wars and countless smaller ones on three continents. I led thousands of men into battle with everything from horses and swords to artillery and tanks. I’ve seen the headwaters of the Nile, and tribes of natives no white man had ever seen before. I’ve won and lost a dozen fortunes, killed many men and loved only one woman with a passion a flea like you could never begin to understand. That’s who I am. Now, go home boy!”

Now that’s an introduction.

There’s the short introductions:

–All 27 James Bond 007 movies from Sean Connery to Daniel Craig.

“Bond, James Bond.” Now that’s an introduction.

There’s the ones that tell a great story:

–Paul Bettany as Geoffrey Chaucer in the movie Knights Tale:

“My lords! My ladies. And everyone else here not sitting on a cushion! Today….today….you find yourselves equals. For you are all equally blessed. For I have the pride, the privilege, nay, the pleasure….of introducing to you a knight sired by knights. A knight who can trace his lineage back beyond Charlemagne. I first met him atop a mountain near Jerusalem, praying to God, asking His forgiveness for the Saracan blood spilt by his sword. Next, he amazed me further still in Italy when he saved a fatherless beauty from the would-be ravishings of her dreadful Turkish uncle. In Greece, he spent a year in silence….just to better understand the sound…of a whisper. And so, without further gilding the lily and with no more ado, I give to you, the Seeker of Serenity, the Protector of Italian Virginity, the Enforcer of our Lord God, the one, the only, SIR ULLLLLRICH VON LICHTENSTEIN!! Thank you, thank you, I’ll be here all week.”

Maybe I can hire Chaucer to just follow me around and introduce me everywhere I go. Now that would be money well spent.

And then there’s the ones that are right to the point.

–Ray Liotta as Henry Hill in the introduction to the movie Goodfellas:

“As far back as I can remember, I always wanted to be a gangster.”

Finally there’s the graceful introductions:

–Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka wears a bright purple coat and brown top hat. He walks with a limp and uses a cane. When he gets to the gates of Wonka Chocolate Factory, he falls down face first. In the blink of an eye, he rolls on the ground and magically lands on his feet. The five children who won Golden Tickets and the onlookers break out into a roaring applause.

Those are some great introductions. Yes, yes, I need to work on my introduction.

What’s your best introduction? Or can you relate to my frustration?