The baby’s heart beat

(I first ran this story in 2017. My babies are grown now. But, I’ve never stopped worrying about them.)

Last week when I was rifling through a box in our basement, I found an old calendar. I started to push it aside, but something caught my eye. My wife must have had an appointment with her obstetrician. The day had a big star on it. I had written in big bold, blue letters: “We heard the baby’s heartbeat today!”

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

Thump, thump.

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It was a few months before my wife delivered our oldest daughter, our first-born. I slowed down and read my note again. I remembered the excitement and trepidation. But most of all, I remembered one minute sitting next to my wife, laughing and chit-chatting about nothing, while we waited for the doctor and the next minute, both of us, stunned, holding each other’s hand, overwhelmed listening to the thump, thump sound echoing throughout the exam room.

We were in our late 20s and trying to make our way. We were worried about the costs of starting a family, but we also felt in our heart that the time was right. As the baby’s expectant day came closer, I prayed for the baby to have ten fingers and toes. I prayed for a beating, healthy heart. I also prayed for a smile in his or her heart. I have to admit. I also prayed that God might look favorably on us. I asked for a strong pitching arm or muscular legs for running.

Oh, I worried about a lot. Oh, so many years later, I can laugh now at those new parent worries. They’re long forgotten. My kids are all in their 20s now. I don’t worry about the croup or new teeth coming in or sleepless nights. I don’t worry about doctor visits anymore. And I certainly don’t check out their poop to see its color.

Oh, my thoughts have changed.

I get excited about the smallest things. My son texted the other day to say he would call us the next day. You would’ve thought I had won the lottery. When we talked with our daughter, I didn’t have much of anything new to share, but was pleased to just let the conversation meander this way and that.

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Oh we can still be annoying. When our youngest son complained about a cough, I couldn’t help but lecture him about the importance of early treatment and getting extra rest. If I could’ve saw my son, I’m sure he would’ve been rolling his eyes.

I’ve written a lot about how our parental worries change. They change, but in many respects the worry never goes away, it just stays there. Yes, the trip to the doctor all those years ago was starred in my calendar. Now every day since has been highlighted in yellow.