NFL style commentary on everyday life!

On Thanksgiving Day, CBS Announcer Jim Nantz described how Kansas City Chiefs Quarterback Patrick Mahomes ran to the outside to avoid getting sacked by a chasing Dallas Cowboys defender. At the last minute, Mahomes threw the ball incomplete to one of his receivers.

Nantz described how Mahomes waited as long as possible for his receiver to get open. If he held onto the ball any longer, he would’ve gotten pummeled.

It got me thinking. Imagine if everyday activities like going to the grocery store were analyzed for all the world to see the same way network announcers evaluate players and coaches. For example, what if learning to drive was analyzed the same way NFL announcers describe the action on the football field?

Talking a good game!

I can see it in my head. Nantz’s partner and former quarterback Tony Romo comes on the screen and starts analyzing my weekly grocery shopping run. “Oh, see right there, rookie mistake! Brian has made his first mistake of the day. He should’ve gone into Lane 2. It’s open and ready to go. He’d be in and out. Instead, he didn’t look and got in the line with the kid in Lane 6.”

Romo can’t keep his disdain to himself. He’s dissecting my every move.

“Rookie, rookie move. You can see the cashier has her phone out. How does Brian miss that? She has no interest in helping him. Did you just see the way she threw that bottle of orange juice right on top of the bread? Brian’s going to regret this one. What a horrible move! You know what else Jim? With his experience, Brian really should know better.”

Can you picture it?

Keep your eye on the ball!

I can see how this experience might go for others too.

The poor kid up the block goes to take his driver’s test and NBC’s cameras zoom into Football Announcer Chris Collingsworth to give his detailed analysis. He lays out what’s at stake.

“We’ve got ourselves a real pressure cooker here,” Collingswoth says. “A great test and Jimmy’s loving life. I bet he goes out tonight to his friend’s house. A bad one and he’s going to want to put his head in the sand.”

Late in the test, Collingsworth gets to the heart of things. “Jimmy looks like he’s going to go in for the score. He’s got nothing but clear skies in front of him. But wait a minute… Oh no, oh no, this is not good. Jimmy cuts it too close on the curb and brushes the side of those bushes. What a horrible thing to happen. We have to wait for the referee’s booth review of the tape, but that’s gotta hurt his chances.”

“I can’t see Jimmy passing today. Back to the drawing board kiddo!”

We have to take it one game at a time!

Of course, it might make for some great theater. I can picture ESPN’s Monday Night Football Announcers Joe Buck and Troy Aikman describing my neighbors decorating for Christmas.

I envision Buck asking Aikman what went wrong and Aikman saying: “You gotta give the guy on the corner some credit for trying. He took a chance. But yes, after this debacle, the colored lights, the white lights, the blinking Santa, the nativity scene, the whole theme — it’s not working. He needs to go in at halftime and rethink his strategy.”

“It’s time to start over.”

Ugh.

In review, maybe it’s a good thing we can go about our lives without an NFL play-by-play announcer and analyst announcing our every move! I know I can do without it.

What do you think?

For more laughs, check out The Dumb Dads – Coaches Press Conferences. Love these bits. My days of running after little kids has long passed. However, I can still relate to these on so many different levels.