A Missing Persons Report!

Yo, what gives?

Mother Nature is making a liar out of me. A few weeks ago after a particular chilly morning, I predicted a cold and snowy winter. I predicted a winter for the record books. I believe my exact words were “I’m thinking it might be one of the harshest winters we’ve had in quite some time.”

And right on cue, we’ve had mild temperatures in the high 60s and 70s. Um, hello. Mother Nature? You trying to turn me into a liar? Do I need to run down to my local police station and put out a Missing Person’s Report for Autumn? Who kidnapped Autumn and when can we expect it to be returned?

It’s not easy bein’ green!

It gets better. I went on a local trail near me over the weekend and, well, the trees looked like Ireland in the summer. I half expected to hear a melodic violin, harp, or flute. The trees and bushes were greener than Kermit the Frog, the Grinch, The Incredible Hulk, Oscar the Grouch and Shrek put together. Of course, I wondered. What had become of the orange, red, and yellow leaves? Was someone messing with the chlorophyll? For extra measure, where was the pumpkin spice and full moon? They weren’t in the woods.

Peak foliage in Pennsylvania generally occurs in mid-to-late October, though the timing varies by region, with the Pocono Mountains and northern areas peaking earlier (early to mid-October) and central and western regions, like the Allegheny National Forest, often peaking in mid to late October.

Things are not looking good! Mother Nature is late and she’s in a mad rush. She’s running out of time. She’s like a delivery driver rushing through her route. She skips one house. She leaves the wrong package at another house. She’s more interested in the clock than providing great customer service. Tick, tick, tick, time is money.

Looking like a fool

The temperatures haven’t helped either. It got up into the 80s (Fahrenheit) this weekend. We sat on the deck in t-shirts and shorts and felt quite comfortable. I could’ve sat out there all day and well into the evening. It’s supposed to hit 82 today. Mother Nature must really be trying to make me look like a fool.

I’m onto her though. I know what’s going to happen. We’ll get a soaking three- or four-day monsoon this week or next. Just like that, all the leaves on the trees will fall to the forest floor and turn a crinkly brown. They’ll crunch when you step on them. The next day, it will be cold as heck. We’ll skip right past Fall, “rumblin’, bumblin’, stumbling’” headfirst into Winter. (All credit for that line to ESPN Sports Announcer Chris Berman.) Another day we’ll get an early snow. The poor weather will catch me off guard. I’ll have no milk or bread and I’ll become an angry hermit stuck inside for months at a time until Spring’s return.

Mother Nature needs to get with it! Time is of the essence. The leaves need to change colors over night. If Mother Nature doesn’t get with it, then I need to move to a warmer climate. Anyone have a secluded island beach house for me?

Who’s with me? Who’s wondering what happened to Fall? Here’s an All Points Bulletin: Has anyone seen Fall?

Related Story:

• Winds in the East!
• When Mother Nature lashes out
• Mother Nature: Giver and Taker!
• Mother Nature tells fall to wait its turn