Big Foot Lives!

I’m going to be famous baby!

You’re going to be seeing me soon on the television news and in the newspapers. I’m hoping for a sit down interview with the networks and the New York Times. Maybe even a guest spot on a late night show. No matter what, I’m definitely counting on the grocery store check out tabloids picking up my story.

People across the globe will be talking about me for years to come.

My news?

I have proof of the big guy. Some call him Big Foot. Others know him as Sasquatch. Legend of wild human-like creatures are as old as time. In the Himalayans, they call him Yeti. Yeren in China and Yowie in Australia. Whatever he goes by, I caught the large, hairy, ape-like creature on camera.

A brush with destiny

I know you think I’m crazy.

I was simply out for a walk on a local trail. It follows the river and part of an old canal built in the early 19th century to transport coal and goods to Philadelphia, New York, and beyond. I was looking to get in a little exercise and free my brain of built-up stress. A mile or so into the trail I took a look around and lo and behold I saw Big Foot. He looked ginormous. His biceps were bigger than my two legs put together. He was walking twenty to thirty yards away.

I was careful to keep my distance. I kept low behind an old oak tree. I thought it might have been a Black Bear, but it looked like no bear I’ve ever seen. Black Bears are big and furry, but they’re generally on all fours. He looked like he was out for a stroll. He stood tall and walked on two legs. Big Foot is most often linked to the Pacific Northwest. It’s crazy to think that I found him in little old Pennsylvania. He must definitely get around.

People will soon be going crazy over my sighting. They haven’t had this kind of proof since two men, Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin, ventured into the Northern California woods in October 1967 and filmed a grainy video of a large, hairy, ape-like creature. The Patterson-Gimlin film became the most iconic piece of potential Bigfoot evidence and brought the legend to international attention. If you watched any late night TV in the 70s and 80s, you saw snip-its of the Patterson-Gimlin video. Simple footage of some kind of ape-like creature walking away from the camera.

Phooey to the experts!

Oh, I know what you’re thinking. You think I’ve lost my marbles. I’ve heard the talk of hoaxes. Scientists claim that the existence of Bigfoot is not credible. They claim he’s a fake. They say climate and food supply issues make his existence impossible. In a 1996 USA Today article, Washington State zoologist John Crane said, “There is no such thing as Bigfoot. No data other than material that’s clearly been fabricated has ever been presented.”

I worried about that so I took a few pictures of the big guy. I followed him for a short distance. He paid me no attention. I quickly took my photos, careful to be as quiet as a church mouse. I didn’t want him chasing me. Of course, I had my running shoes. If I had to, I was ready to make a run for it.

On your marks, get set, go!

But yes, yes, I believe. Big Foot Lives! And be sure to catch me on TV!

. . . . .

Big Foot jokes courtesy of the web:

–Do you know the real reason why Big Foot is so good at hiding?

He owes Chuck Norris money.

–What’s Big Foot’s favorite exercise at the gym?

He loves doing Sasquats.

–What do they call Big Foot in Europe?

Big Meter.

–How do rescue Big Foot on Interstate 80?

With a big toe truck.