Survivor: The Parenting Edition

The U.S. television show Survivor first premiered on CBS in May 2000. The show places a group of people in an isolated location, where they must provide food, fire, and shelter for themselves. The contestants compete in physical, mental, and emotional challenges. They’re progressively eliminated from the game until only two or three remain. The eliminated contestants then vote for the winner. The last person standing is given the title of “Sole Survivor” and a grand prize of a million dollars.

Thanks to the show and our increased focus on survival, many how-to-books have been written on how to survive life in the woods. A reel comes on about building a lean-to shelter and I’m hooked. It doesn’t matter that I’m rarely very far from my comfortable home and nice cushioned bed. I’m still fascinated with “toughing it out” in the wilderness.

I had to laugh though the other day. My son called me and told me about a problem he had. As I pondered the best way to offer guidance without overstepping or interfering, it hit me that we need fewer videos on outdoor survival and more on surviving life as a parent. It’s the modern day version of quick sand. One false step and you’re in over your head.

I’ve got some experience with three grown kids. Here’s my seven impromptu lessons for parental survival:

7. Listen. Listen first, second and third. There’s power in listening first and speaking less.
8. Love unconditionally. My kids have interests I never had. I’ve become a fan of their interests.
9. Be a parent, not a friend. At least in the early days. Parenting is not for the faint of heart. Be strict but kind. Remember that the parental relationship has its ups and it downs. It changes over time from caregiver and nurturer to educator to coach and guide to mentor. A deep friendship develops but comes later when they have a life of their own and can be appreciative and see themselves in your shoes.
10. Ask more questions and offer less guidance. Help them with critical thinking, help them ask their own tough questions. I found that it’s best to help them fish on their own.
11. Listen some more. I said it was important. And God knows, I need the reminder.
12. See them for who they are and who they want to be. Oh, I’ve messed this one up a time or two. I had dreams. I had images of who I thought they were. They took that in and laughed in my face. I’m not them. Cherish that and they’ll come back for more.
13. Encourage them. Challenge them, but always let them know that failure is not end of the world. It’s how we learn and grow.

And two more for luck: read to them. Whenever they ask. Get on their level and read in a funny voice. Be silly and play with them. Have fun. And later when they’re older, drive them to practice, school, wherever they need to go. Leave the complaints at home. Drive them. You’ll be amazed at what you pick up, what you learn by just being there.

As they say on each episode of Survivor, “the tribe has spoken.” Of course, I may change all this advice tomorrow, because as a parent, you have to go with the flow, but this is what I think today!

What have I missed?