Writing for mental health

(A version of this story ran in February 2023)

Early in my work career, I walked out of a team meeting with a friend of mine. I had slipped in late and he was giving me the rundown on what I had missed. When we were alone and could talk freely, I asked him about a contentious part of the meeting. One of our coworkers had gotten defensive about being late with an assignment. 

I was new with the company, but the meeting took a dark turn. The coworker was starting to get upset. A leader stepped in and brought the focus back on what we were discussing. My friend told me that he wasn’t sure what exactly was up, but our coworker’s son had recently gotten a cancer diagnosis. My friend suspected that our coworker got some bad news. 

I would have never known the back story if my friend hadn’t told me. Once he told me, everything that I knew about my coworker and how he had been acting lately made sense. Ever since that moment, I’ve always tried to remember that we’re all facing a battle and burdens that no one else knows. We all need grace and kindness.

Processing our emotions in a healthy way

I told that story to someone recently and I got to thinking about how others face their day-to-day struggles. To be specific, I face a lot of my own struggles by putting my thoughts and emotions down on paper. I’ve been wondering about all those people who don’t write or don’t have their own blogs. How do they process their emotions and what happens to them?

For example, a few weeks ago in the middle of the night, I woke up in a cold sweat. One minute I was deep asleep. The next, my heart was pumping a mile a minute. I felt like I had just been woken by a 300 pound gorilla sitting on top of me. In reality, everything was fine. I had just been subconsciously thinking about a poignant memory. It was the time my mother helped me with a school problem that was bringing me to tears. I wrote about it in my recent blog, Do the math! 1+1=3!, and told the story of how my mother helped me with an elementary school math problem. 

It’s a 50-year-old memory. I was instantly taken back to being a little kid. I experienced the same frights and fears that I had at that age. I have my suspicions on what brought the memory back in time for me. I’ve been busy with work challenges that have made me feel vulnerable and unsure of myself. As I fell asleep, I naturally thought about how my day had gone. I inevitably remembered another time in my life when I felt the same vulnerable feelings. At least, that’s my 10 cent, armchair therapist take on the situation. 

Get it all out on paper

When I woke up in the wee hours of the morning, I felt wide awake. It kept bothering me until I got out of bed. I sat at my desk in the dim light and wrote a few things to get it out of my system. It wasn’t my greatest writing. I wouldn’t dream of sharing the writing with anyone else. In fact, I doubt anyone with a sane thought could have actually made sense of my scribbling. I needed to clear my head. With my thoughts down on paper, I could think about moving forward. 

When I was done, I was able to put my fears to rest. I fell back to sleep like a baby, got up in the morning and had a great day. For me, it obviously became something that I eventually turned into a blog post. But, I didn’t write it down for that reason. 

How does the rest of the world do it? 

I’ve been wondering. How do most folks, most nonwriters, deal with the happiness and pain that we all see daily? How do they get it out of their systems? How do they sleep at night? How do they manage the burdens that we all face? I know I sound naïve in asking. I really am being genuine. I just can’t imagine not writing about those feelings and memories in some way, shape, or form. 

If I didn’t have my writing, I’m sure I would drive myself and others around me crazy. I would be the annoying guy in the grocery store line. I would be the slowpoke holding up everyone else trying to get gas. I’m sure in the end, I would be the guy stripped naked, running down a busy highway in the middle of rush hour. (Oh, what an ugly thought. Ha, ha.)

So I ask again: How do others deal with everyday trauma? If they don’t write about it, if they don’t release it somehow, how do they carry on?