Everybody’s talking, nobody’s listening

In a meeting last week, I tried to bring up a key risk that our team needed to pay closer attention. When I went to speak, three other people talked over me. I waited my turn and found a spot later in the meeting to make my point. I work with a great group of people. They normally respect each other’s opinion and time, so it wasn’t a big deal.

Later that evening, I couldn’t help, but reflect on my day and think how I would have handled that same issue in the past.

If that had happened when I was younger and still had a pronounced stutter, I would have fumed and raged inside. I would’ve played back a recording of the exchange in my head for days. I would have been mad at my peers. I mainly would’ve been angry with myself for not commanding more space in the meeting and “letting others step all over me.”

Talking a mile a minute

Workplaces pose any number of communications nightmares, but I like to think that I’ve matured. I’m assertive and speak-up when I have something to say. More often than not, though, I’ve reached a point in my career where I let others talk more. I don’t need to hear myself talk to know that I’m smart and have something of value to offer. Plus, I find that it pays to let others talk themselves out and speak up when the real negotiations happen and decisions get made. It’s my recognition that there’s a lot of noise, but little real significant talk.

I still protect myself though. If people continue to talk over myself or others, I’ve resorted to calling out the disrespectful behavior and excusing myself from the meeting. I refuse to waste my time and fight with loud mouths.

Talking a blue streak

With the meeting fresh in my mind, I can’t stop thinking about how pop culture sums up our communications challenges. Paul Newman’s character in Cool Hand Luke found himself getting the brunt of the punishment for failing to fall in line. Or as Strother Martin’s character described it: “a failure to communicate.”

Cool Hand Luke with Paul Newman.

It reminded me too. There are times we all could use someone like Holly Hunter in Broadcast News as the voice in our heads, giving us the exact, right thing to say at the exact, right moment. Where were you Holly when I needed you in my 20s and 30s?

Broadcast News with Holly Hunter and William Hurt.

And in the end, through no talent or wisdom of our own, we sometimes stumble across the perfect response. Who would’ve thought “Hello” was all that was needed?

Jerry McGuire with Tom Cruise and Renée Zellweger.

I write more about the communications challenges we face in our lives in my story, Talking the Same Language, on the Heart of the Matter. I write about how people can agree on a deadline and still reach two different conclusions. Whether you’re chewing the fat; talking back; spilling the beans, or talking off the cuff, I hope it all makes communications sense.

Let me know what you think.

Related Stories:

• Talking the Same Language on the Heart of the Matter
• The lessons I’ve learned from ‘opening a vein’
• Overcoming my stutter
• A failure to communicate!