Stretching my limits

I had an idea in my head. We were going to hold off on having kids. I wanted to be further along in my career and making more money. When we finally had kids, I wanted a big house. I wanted a great job where I was in charge and could come and go as I pleased. I wanted to have everything organized and planned out.

My wife had another idea in her head. She was ready to be a mother. She didn’t want to wait. We were young, newly married and she wanted to start a family. She felt she had love in her heart and was ready.

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I think back on this story every so often because it reminds me that relationships are hard work. You have one thing in mind, you’re significant other has something altogether different. It takes a lot of talking and listening. It requires a ton of flexibility.

In my wife and my example, I took a backseat. Oh, it took a while.

I couldn’t see how we would manage. I worried about making the finances work. I knew my wife’s caring nature would make her a wonderful mother. Still, I worried about what kind of father I would be. I fought the idea for a long time. (I was naive. Little did I know that the finances will never work. What matters is having a commitment to work together and be there for the kids.)

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In that moment, I learned that faith, flexibility, and trust are incredibly important. I trusted that God would watch over us. I trusted my wife. I trusted too that we would make it work. There were a few highs and lows along the way, but we somehow survived. We didn’t “break” our kids and we celebrate a big anniversary this month.

Flexibility comes many different shapes and sizes.

I write more about the power of flexibility today in my story, From Point A to Point B, on the Heart of the matter. I touch on how writers have an idea and often have an outline, but they don’t necessarily know where a story is going to go.

They need flexibility to get from Point A to Point B.

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35 thoughts on “Stretching my limits”

  1. Flexibility is such an important quality, especially in a relationship and huge decisions such as starting a family. And you and your wife seem to have mastered the art of it and that’s why you’re so successful!

    I also agree having trust and faith is so important. It’s not so easy especially when we’re being asked to bend on more serious matters but it often pays off!

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  4. I think we’d wait forever if we were waiting for “the right time” but you’re also right about the need to discuss, share and compromise; considering both points of view. You’ve obviously mastered the recipe as you approach your “big” anniversary. Congratulations to you both. I hope you’re doing something special to celebrate

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  5. What beautiful ruminations to connect to us Brian. Flexibility indeed comes in many different shapes, sizes and time zones! 😜 In the words of Forrest Gump’s mother, “Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re gonna get!” 🍫🍫🍫 I guess, as they say, we simply go with the flow and make adjustments along the way! 😍🥂💖

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  8. Oh…I’m late to the party today and I’m sure this has been shared already, but I love this statement, Brian: “Little did I know that the finances will never work. What matters is having a commitment to work together and be there for the kids.” Good golly. Yes! So much truth right there. 🥰

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  11. I love you got the paper out on this one, Brian and had to laugh. I wanted another baby after 3. My husband wanted no part of it. We were in Chicago and I was ovulating. We had the discussion again, He said no but I’d do it for you. I said no that’t not right, we had a fight and rolled away from each other. I was seething and finally turned to him and said, “ok let’s do this”. Look at me and i get pregnant and sure enough it took. They are thick as thieves, we are oil and water.. lol. it’s all worked out TG😹💓

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    1. I have a similar story. Oh, you would think I learned my lesson. So we had our first and then another. A few years go by. I think we’re done. My wife comes and says let’s have another. I looked at her like she was crazy. Of course, now I can only envision us as a family of five. So glad I listened again. Ha ha. Glad it worked out for you too!!!!!

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      1. Omg, I thought we were the only crazy ones. Wait, you have 5? I missed that somehow. God love you! I always think, “why would anyone have 5?! lol! and then I think and what was I thinking but then again, I couldn’t turn any of them back or I could depending on the day.. lol

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  12. I love how you ended this with flexibility and trust being key, Brian. I don’t know who coined the phrase, but I’ve heard it said that, “If you’re waiting until you can afford to have children, you’ll never have children.” So, when they come into our worlds, we make it work and everything falls into place. Like you said though, it doesn’t mean there aren’t highs and lows, but being in any relationship takes compromise and work in the midst of all the fun! 😉

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  13. Pingback: The Discipline in Creativity – Surprised By Joy

  15. Compromise, respect, and understanding are key factors in every partnership. I’m happy for you and your wife that you’ve figured out how to work through life together with these things in mind.

    Liked by 1 person

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