Mad Scientist at work, excuse the mess!

I stalk around my room, like a mad scientist, talking and grunting to myself in a gibberish that’s hard for anyone else to understand. I’m surrounded by a lab full of beakers and various half-started projects. When I sit down at my laptop, I type out two or three sentences, read what I’ve written and then promptly backspace, deleting everything I just wrote. My fingers are moving a mile-a-minute, never stopping for more than a second or two. I look like a cross between Albert Einstein and Doc (Dr. Emmett Brown) from the movie Back to the Future.

It’s right there, if I can just figure it out

Oh, I know the magic formula that I need to follow, but it’s challenging to actually recreate it. I can see it in my mind’s eye. It seems to be right on the tip of my tongue, but always out of reach. Here’s what I mean. I know that good writing is all about story telling and making connections with the reader. I know what a great connection feels like, but it’s oh so challenging to make it happen in real life.

I feel like I’m a great magician faced with the one lock I can’t pick and my hands tied behind my back. For every one step forward, I take two steps back. When I start to make real progress, I take a wrong step and fall halfway down the mountain. On the rare occasion when I’m lucky and somehow pluck a decent story out of thin air, I have no idea what worked or why. “Oh you liked what I wrote, oh how wonderful? Yes, yes, I would love to do this again, but I have no freaking idea how I landed here!” I’m like a lucky lottery player plucked out millions of other players, with no way of ever winning again.

Getting what’s up here in my head, down on paper

This is where the stalking and the head in the hands comes in, I’m trying to find a way to express what’s in my head and get it on paper. When I’m struggling, I remember Robert Frost’s great quote: “No tears in the writer, no tears in the reader. No surprise in the writer, no surprise in the reader.”

And of course, it makes me even more frustrated. I look down at my laptop and then back up at the ceiling and cry out out loud at Frost. “Damn you Frost,” I say. “Not everyone can write like you.”

Yes, writing is a challenge, an incredible challenge, but it’s in my soul. As crazy as it sounds, as frustrated as it makes me, I still can’t imagine ever quitting. I suspect I’ll keep at it until the day I die. What drives you to write?

Connecting the dots to tell a story

I write more about the challenges of building the foundation of a great story in my piece Connecting the Dots today on the Heart of the Matter. The story reminds me that sometimes I need to put aside my mad scientist lab coat, trust my gut, and take small steps one after another until I find my way home.

Let me know what you think. What works for you?

Related Item:

Connecting the Dots on The Heart of the Matter.