Making up my own rules

Late in the 1985 movie Back to the Future, Christopher Lloyd’s character Dr. Emmett Brown tells Marty that things have changed. “Roads? Where we’re going, we don’t need roads.”

I thought of that scene recently when fellow blogger Vicki Atkinson wrote about her love of the ellipsis. I too like the ellipsis, but I have my own crazy reasons why and, even worse, have established my own wild rules in how I use them.

Most grammar books and style guides tell you that you should use the ellipsis when you’re quoting material and you want to omit some words. For example, they go into intricate detail on how you can use an ellipsis to remove unnecessary words from a long quote. They tell you too that you can also use it to leave out whole sentences or paragraphs. One listing I saw this week even mentioned how an ellipsis can show that a speaker or writer has paused or trailed off in thought or speech.

Hear, hear, Mr. Webster.

My own rules are similar, but still very different. My 7th Grade English Teacher is rolling over in her grave just hearing this, but I confess that I use the ellipsis and the em dash interchangeably. I especially use them when I think I’ve got an extraordinary funny line — a real humdinger — something that the reader will stand up, maybe even give a golf clap and say, “Damn, let’s pause for a second or two, that Brian guy’s got it . . . Yes, by George, he’s really got it. I’m going to track down a literary agent right now and get them to sign that young man to a contract!”

Okay, okay, I’m no longer a young man, but hey, it’s my dream here, I get to dream whatever I want. Let’s just move onto the good part . . . “As I was saying, the young man has it. Simon & Schuster, Scholastic, HarperCollins, it doesn’t matter who, they need to give him a multi-million dollar contract and get him published today.”

It could happen? Right? A good way of using the ellipsis, right?

“Grammar is a piano I play by ear. All I know about grammar is its power.” —Joan Didion

Making it up as I go along

The first rule of Fight Club is: you do not talk about Fight Club. In a similar vein, the first rule of writing is to always think about the reader and get the hell out of the way, let the words do their magic. But, oh Hell, sometimes I just don’t care.

While we’re making changes, I’ve noticed that I tend to make a few other grammar changes. I rarely use exclamation points in my professional work. Style guides tell you to use an exclamation point to show strong emotion or surprise or even a command. The experts will often tell you to use the exclamation mark in moderation. They warn that if you use them too much, the intended effect gets lost.

Oh, I’m a rule follower, so I rarely use the exclamation point in professional writing. I hate the idea of shouting . . . But, of course, my own rules tend to go left, when I should go right. In my own writing on social media or in a text messages, I find that I can’t get me enough love for the exclamation point!!!

I overdo it with exclamations points. I think it’s the introvert me. In professional writing, I assume people will be respectful and give me a chance to have my say. On social media, the rules go out the window. I know I’ve got to yell to get people’s attention. “I’m over here folks. You don’t want to miss this!”

It’s all of the extroverts’ fault. Damn extroverts, you know who you are. Did you ever think about stopping your blabbing and listening to us little guys? Huh? You’d be shocked with what you would learn. You hear me! Listen Linda! I’m giving you the real scoop here, the real tea! (Remember the video that made the rounds a few years ago where the little boy keeps saying “listen Linda.“)

Ugh.

I break the rules all the time. I guess it’s the Doc Brown in me!

“Learn the rules like a pro, so you can break them like an artist.” —Pablo Picasso

Ahem, using the em-dash

Now my favorite grammar tool is the em dash. I never used one until I got to the working world. I fell in love wth them on the job and have never stopped. They’re the absolute best.

The em dash (—) can function like a comma, a colon, or parenthesis. Like commas and parentheses, em dashes set off extra information, such as examples, explanatory or descriptive phrases, or supplemental facts. Like a colon, an em dash introduces a clause that explains or expands upon something that precedes it.

It says move over buddy, this is the cool stuff. I love ’em, I overuse ’em, and can’t imagine ever stopping. They’re like members of the cheerleading squad and the marching band getting the crowd excited for the home team’s entrance to the field.

Just like Doc. Roads? We don’t need no stinking roads. We’re going to make our own roads and our own damn English Rules of Grammar . . . And there’s nothing my seventh grade English Teacher can do about it now!!!!

“Ladies, if you want to know the way to my heart… good spelling and good grammar, good punctuation, capitalize only where you are supposed to capitalize, it’s done. —John Mayer