An Amish barn raising

When friends learn that my mom was raised Amish, deciding to leave the church and her family when she was 17, I usually get a few strange looks. People want to know more about the conservative Old Order Amish Mennonite Church and why they shun electricity and modern technology. They usually have questions too about the simple lifestyle. It’s so different from what we see and experience in our everyday life.

Here’s the questions I get asked most:

• Did my mom’s family shun her? No, my mother never formally joined the church so the bishop of the local Amish sect couldn’t mandate that her mother and father and rest of her family had to “shun” her. 
• Did my parents live like Amish? What people are really trying to ask but never actually say: did my mom and dad wear the plain dress of Amish folks? Um, heck no, we lived normal American lives! My mom left the church, established a new life with the help of some “English” neighbors, and a few years later met my dad when she worked at an auto parts store. They dated and married and started a family. (In fact, one of my favorite pictures of my youth is a picture of my mom and me. I’m probably four or five years old and my mom is wearing a blue dress and white 60s go-go boots, which I imagine were quite the trend for the time.) I grew up wearing t-shirts and Levis; playing Pac-man, Frogger, and the other video games of the age; and, when cable hit the rural valley where I grew up, “I wanted my MTV,” like all the other kids my age. We were as normal as it comes. 
• Do I speak Amish or Pennsylvania Dutch? For a while in high school, I could speak a lengthy list of Spanish phrases, but I never learned more than a few words of Pennsylvania Dutch from my mother, including: “gute” (the good), “veesht” (the bad), and “wie bischt du” (how are you?) 
• How do feel about Amish? I respect the Amish beliefs, especially their love of hard work and Christian pacifism, but I’m not real fond of the Amish bishop who prevented my grandparents from pursuing medical help for an older daughter who had cancer. She would eventually die and her death played a big role in my mom’s decision years later to leave. Like my mother, if I were born into an Amish family, I suspect that my strong instinctual desire to learn and grow would have forced me to rebel and search for a way out.

Photo by Randy Fath on Unsplash.

Finally, I’m usually asked if I ever participated in an Amish barn raising? When I was a kid, my mother would occasionally visit her family and I vaguely remember one visit that coincided with a barn raising. I forget the details of the day, whether the barn was replacing one that had burned down or was for a new farm. I’m not sure if the barn was for a distant uncle or a young married couple, but I still remember the excitement of the day.

Part work, part social, part church

Before an Amish barn raising begins, any foundation that is required is usually laid in advance, and all the materials needed for raising the barn are prepared. On the day of the barn raising, men, women, and children arrive in buggies early in the morning. The construction is led by a few men who organize the activities of all the other men who are helping.

With a barn raising, the frame is usually raised in a single day, but it may take additional labor later to complete the building. The men were all working fast and furious to get the barn up. The women kept busy cooking and getting things ready for the lunch.

We were outsiders, even at a young age I was attuned to that, but we helped where we could. My dad helped carry 2x4s back and forth from a wagon to the barn foundation and my mother was busy much of the day helping in the kitchen.

I wasn’t allowed to get too close. I mainly just stayed out of the way and played with a cousin. I forget a lot of the details about the day, but I vividly remember the food. I loved everything they served. I especially loved the dessert, including cinnamon buns, chocolate cake, moon pies (an apple strudel-like pie), and whoopie pies. For a group that doesn’t believe in modern conveniences, they sure do love their sugary sweets.

Photo by Unsplash.

Up in a day

We left before the barn was finished, but it was well on its way to completion. The roof and sides were all in place. On the drive home, I had lots of questions for my parents, like why my dad didn’t have a beard like all the Amish men I saw and why the women all wore bonnets.

Over the years, I’ve seen some great community efforts: the way people came together after 9/11; a local fundraising effort to build a new school; and how people have rallied financially and emotionally over the years around families going through a variety of medical challenges.

When I think about helping others though, I immediately come back to the barn-raising that I witnessed as a kid and others I saw in the farming community where I grew up: One day there was an empty field, the next day a beautiful new barn because of neighbors and friends coming together.

Now that’s friends helping friends.

Related Stories:

—An Amish girl leaves home to create a new of life

—Four memories of my Amish grandparents

—What my life might have looked like