A wall of silence

I put on my best poker face and forced myself to look straight ahead. I was on camera during the meeting and willed myself to keep my mouth shut. The senior executive on the other end of the video conference looked back and waited a long time before he saw that I wasn’t going to say anything else and finally caved-in, saying my decision made sense.

I let out a sigh of relief.

I’m horrible at negotiations. In a meeting a few weeks ago, a senior executive who I’m working with tried to bully me into accepting some work that really doesn’t fall into my span of control. I explained my rationale, keeping things very professional, and how I thought it belonged more with his team than my own and then said nothing. Normally in situations like this I find that my strong need to make the customer happy and maintain a collegial environment gets me in trouble. I’ll hem and haw and if I can help, I’ll cave in and say I’ll take on the extra work. However, I’ve been trying to improve my negotiation skills and get better about pushing back.

My ace in the hole: I’ve come to see that silence can be my best friend. 

Noise creates illusions, silence brings truth

Normally I hate dead air. In particular, I’m talking about the small talk back and forth between people who don’t really know each other well and the dead air that comes along for the ride. I find myself oftentimes trying to fill that space.

In this situation, the executive saw that I wasn’t bending to his will simply because he wanted me to do so and he broke. He told me that he got what I was saying, but he had to try. He said he would take care of the work. I had won. 

I think this is a big reason why I hate networking, those awkward silences as we get to know folks. I hate silence outside of work too. As we drove home from getting together with family recently, my wife made fun of me for coming out of my introverted shell and keeping everyone entertained and talking.

She teased me by saying I was “loud.” I claimed I was just trying to make everyone feel comfortable, by asking about them and joking with them.

“You sure were talkative.”

The good and the wise lead quiet lives

Yes, I had to admit that I had been talkative, but the ironic thing is that I normally love the silence that allows me to think and be creative. When I’m pulled into larger groups, though, I’ll often poke fun of myself, let me be the butt of jokes, and ask questions about others. My need to make people happy gene forces me to look for common ground.

But I’m learning. Sometimes not speaking is not a bad thing. Sometimes quiet can be your friend. I’ll get there. It might take some time, but I’ll definitely get there.