Dating my wife

I’m generally not one to run from milestone birthdays or special events. I’ve always loved celebrating my birthday. I couldn’t wait to turn 16 to drive and looked forward well in advance to turning 21 so that I could legally drink. When I passed the 30, 40, and 50 birthday marks, I waved goodbye to each with a smile and a devil-may-care laugh. 

I figured I couldn’t do anything about them, I couldn’t stop them, I couldn’t turn back the clock, so it made little sense getting upset about the passage of time. However, there were two milestones over the years that frightened me to death. 

I worried about two key anniversary dates: my wife and me hitting our first anniversary and then later when we hit the eight-year anniversary mark. I’m not saying it made sense, but I worried about both milestones because numerous sociological studies point to the two periods during a marriage as being the two likeliest times for divorce to come into the conversation.

Yikes, times up

Now, I generally laugh off surveys like that — I question whether they’re valid and true or just worn out old wive’s tales passed down over the years — but I couldn’t stop worrying. I had good reason:

• I worried in Years 1-2 that my wife would finally come to her senses, catch onto my games and send me packing. She hadn’t invested as much time in me yet, I figured she’d finally see what a mess I was and run away, thanking her lucky stars that she got out when she did, and find herself a better catch.
• I’ve never really watched Marilyn Monroe’s 1955 movie, “The Seven Year Itch,” but I’m still familiar with the general concept and, once again, envisioned my wife dropping me off along the side of the road and telling me good riddance. We had two kids by that time so it would be harder, but countless families fall apart each year. Why were we any different?

My pot of gold

Oh, I’ve been lucky. We’re going to be celebrating 30 years together later this year. And yes, I’m exaggerating a bit, I don’t live my life worrying myself to death, but I do think keeping check on my marriage over the years has actually been a big help. The more I put myself in my wife’s shoes, the more empathy and emphasis I put on our relationship, and, in the end, the more attentive and the better husband I’ve been.

I tend to believe the work I’ve put into the relationship has paid us back in tangible ways. I say thank you. I remember that it’s a partnership. We both make it a priority to focus on ourselves and on the other.

I don’t have any secrets on what’s kept us together, but I think a big part of it is that we’ve tried to make sure that we don’t take the other for granted. Yes, here’s to 30 more years.

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