Letting go

I would get in the car and wipe away a tear. When my kids were infants and we needed daycare assistance, my wife and I would share drop-off duties. I found leaving the kids to be the hardest job in the world. I would always leave with a tear.

Oh, my tears made no sense, we always chose safe places, leaving the kids with kind and loving family members or daycare staff members, but I still worried about the kids. I couldn’t be there to protect them. I couldn’t fight their battles for them.

It was especially challenging when the kids were very young and cried when it was time for me leave. Those drop-offs were the worst, they would break my heart. I knew the kids were fine five minutes after I dropped them off, but I would be a puddle until late in the afternoon.

My kids are all grown now, they have their own lives now. Our youngest is getting ready to start his second year of college, but I still occasionally feel those same feelings. I’m coming to the conclusion that even when they’re grown and on their own, those worries never really go away. I write more in my blog, A different kind of joy, on The Heart of the Matter.

Let me know what you think.

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A different kind of joy

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32 thoughts on “Letting go”

  1. It never goes away. My ‘children’ are in their 30s and 40s now with children of their own. So now I worry about them too. You know that saying – You’re only ever as happy as your least happy child’?

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  3. Such a part of being a parent Brian- the lifelong angst associated! I do think it gets easier as they become established in their own lives. I can mostly sit back and just watch them be amazing humans now and let the rest go 😉

    Liked by 1 person

  4. My mom always laughs about how my brother and I were nervous and clingy on our first days of kindergarten, but my youngest sister RAN to the classroom and didn’t even bother with a hug or a goodbye. 😂

    I can only imagine how hard it would be to drop a child off for the day, especially if they start the waterworks. I can just as easily imagine the worry and wishing for the best carrying into thier adult lives.

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  6. I understand how hard it is and can also verify it doesn’t stop when they grow up. On the other hand I ran a home daycare for years and saw how quickly the children forget and join in play with the others.

    Even that knowledge didn’t help when I had to bring my grandson to his first day of kindergarten (his mom was in hospital having just given birth to his baby sister). I just couldn’t leave him and my heart was breaking. I think I cried more than he did. I felt so helpless because until this point I could protect and comfort him. After I left he had a great first day.

    My son is going to work 3,000 miles from here in a couple of months and I know it will be hard on me too. We never stop worrying about our babies even when they are 30-40+. I bet my mom still worries about me.

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  8. I remember how hard it was when I first took my children to preschool. When my oldest started college, it was like preschool all over again. Whether we have children or not, I believe most of us can relate to this on some level. Letting go isn’t easy, is it? ❤️

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  9. I still cry a little after spending time with my (now grown up) kids and the time comes to separate. So, yeah… I totally get this and appreciate you normalizing it a bit. I especially appreciate reading this from another father!

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    1. “I especially appreciate reading this from another father!” I hear you David. I sometimes worry about being vulnerable, but I keep coming back to a basic principle. I can only be me. I can’t be someone I’m not. I certainly won’t be immobilized with tears when I drop my son off at college, but I’m still sad to see them go. I like to hang with my kids, they’re cool people. Why does society say that I, as a father, need to be emotionless. Crazy. Thanks for commenting!

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  11. I remember the first year of daycare was very hard. The drop offs were so hard because of all the tears and the guilt of just leaving them there. Sometimes it blows my mind that my kid, now 8, has a life of his own separate from me. I guess I just remind myself that’s what parenting is about – helping set our kids up for independence and success one day.

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  13. Last year my youngest started college. The three hour ride home was so painful, but not as painful as walking past her bedroom. I have a little under a month left of her being home and they cycle begins again.

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