Going to the mattresses

My wife and I are looking for a new mattress. Ours has seen better days. The mattress slumps in the middle and squishes on the sides. You can forget about getting a good night’s sleep. We wake up feeling worse than when we went to bed.

The only one who actually enjoys sleeping on our mattress is Nittany, our family dog. And she just likes it because she can snuggle against us, keep herself warm, and we don’t chase her away. The mattress is a real mess.

“No day is so bad it can’t be fixed with a nap.”

— Carrie Snow

The three bears

We’ve been shopping for a new mattress for the past few weeks, but without much luck. We can’t seem to agree on our likes and preference: This one’s too hard, that one’s too soft. We’re the Goldilocks of bed shoppers.

I shouldn’t be that surprised. We’re that way about pillows too. This one is too rigid; another is too soft. My wife will finally find one that she likes, but the material is not “cool” enough to the touch. I want to make fun of her discerning tastes, but I’m just as bad.

“I always say ‘morning’ instead of ‘good morning,’ because if it was a good morning, I’d still be asleep.”

— Anonymous

We’ve bought a few mattresses over the years, but the search seems more challenging now. The brand names all seem to converge together: Sealy, Serta, Simmons, Sleep Number, Stearns & Foster, Sleepys, Casper, Nectar, Purple, and any number of other manufacturers. We like them in the store, but never really love them when we bring them home.

In the movie, The Godfather, Sonny Corleone talks of “going to the mattresses” to fight the rival gangs. I suspect my wife and I need to start thinking of going to war with the mattress manufacturers in order to get a better sleep. Our biggest problem is we’re not sure how much we want to spend on a bed. You can spend nowadays as little as a few hundred dollars and up to thousands of dollars.

“Dear sleep, I’m sorry we broke up this morning. I want you back!”

— Anonymous

Making our final choice

I thought we had a real winner a few weeks ago. My wife said she found the perfect bed, but she prefaced her choice by saying I wouldn’t be happy about her selection. My thoughts went straight to the obvious. I thought to myself, “it must cost a small fortune, as much as a house or car, and be hard as a rock.”

I braced myself and asked how much. “Oh, it’s not expensive, it’s just going to cost you.” I was confused. “Oh, when you’re not snoring, I love falling asleep on you.”

While that’s nice and all, it’s not a permanent solution. I guess it’s safe to say, we’re back to Square One.

“When the going gets tough, the tough take a nap.”

— Tom Hodgkinson

16 thoughts on “Going to the mattresses

Add yours

  1. Love your post! Especially the observation that “all the brand names converge together”. I hadn’t thought about that, but you’re right! LOL! Feeling your pain – hubs and I went through this a few years ago and it was a struggle. Good luck — and thanks for the funny post. Enjoyed the quotes you snipped in. Perfect! 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Just to put things in perspective, I’ve slept for the last year kitty corner on the floor of my minivan, with my legs elevated to make up for short space, on a double layer of bath mats and two couch pillows. But it’s better than the ground, which is what I slept on for the year before that. Someday I hope to have any bed at all. Please do gratefully enjoy your comfort, even if it is a little difficult of achievement. 🙏


      2. If you look at many of my blogs, you’ll see that I did not grow up lavishly and have faced my share of challenges. Saying that, I was brought up to appreciate what I was given and work hard to help my family and others. The blog was meant as sarcasm and humor. I wish you well in your present situation. As you write, a van is better than the ground, but it’s not optimal for your long-term health.


      3. I’m a newcomer ~ and I suspect many of us oldsters can remember times if less standardized amenity! It’s harder and less hopeful toward the end of life, however. Your good wishes are most gratefully received here, and it does me good to know you practice gratitude!


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