Hell on Earth: People talking in public on their cell phone

If you’re moving to the Phoenix – Scottsdale area and have children, the elementary schools are top rate, the middle schools so-so, and the high schools, well, just forget it, you may as well just keel over and die now, they’re the absolute worst on the planet.

I haven’t set foot in the city in more than 20 years and have only a passing knowledge of its coming and goings, such as the Phoenix Suns being in the NBA Finals, but the woman who sat directly behind me in the airport terminal recently couldn’t wait to set everyone straight on the local schools. She even had schools to avoid at all costs and, God bless her, was willing and able to tell everything that should be done to fix the education system.

The woman, of course, was talking on her cell phone in a crowded airport.

How have we gotten to this point?

The first cell phone was invented by Motorola in 1973 and produced for the masses in the 1990s. Apple introduced the first iPhone in 2007 and the smartphone was born. We’ve had mobile phone technology now for decades and people are still rude as hell talking on them. We all joke about it. We all know it’s rude, but it still keeps happening. You can go anyplace in the world — cities, towns and rural communities — and find people talking loudly on their cellphones. It’s like the non-existent turn signal, we’ve forgotten common courtesy.

Yes, yes, you can call me crazy, but, when the woman first started talking, I didn’t mind it. My wife and I haven’t been outside much over the past year and were on our first extended trip. The woman sat behind us and had been sitting for a few minutes when I heard her first pick up her phone. I actually understood. Everyone has to make a call every so often. I thought maybe she was calling a loved one so they knew to pick her up, or to meet her somewhere, who knows.

Unfortunately, the conversation wasn’t going to be a quick one, it went on and on and on. As I mentioned, I learned about the Phoenix schools and the good and bad teachers (Oh, I could name some names!). I even learned that the Phoenix housing market “is off the charts, like bacon on the griddle.” I learned too that Thelma and Louise (names have been changed to protect the innocent) need liposuction and this coming weekend, if it doesn’t get too hot, is going to be “da bomb.”

It’s not just Phoenix

If my new blabber-mouth friend was a bit more discreet, I might have chalked it up to life, but sure enough, that wasn’t the only talker we ran into. We ran into gossipy Texan who broke all kinds of rules, not only talking loudly around everyone else, but talking via speakerphone so that everyone could enjoy both sides of the conversation. Oh the joy.

In fact, I learned that momma is sick and has been for awhile, but doesn’t want anyone to know that she’s sick and that sister Betty, who is actually a nurse, doesn’t take as good of care of momma as sisters Mary and Lonnie. Bless their heart.

Ugh.

I can say without any pause or hesitation — that is way more information than I needed to know.

Next stop — The Twilight Zone!

I’ve reached the conclusion that when my time comes and I cross the Golden Bridge to the other side, if God decides I’m not worthy of the Pearly Gates, Hell for me, will be having to sit in a large stadium or arena full of people and having to listen to them talk on their cell phones. If that’s not enough to help you see God’s true glory and follow the straight and narrow path, I’m not sure anything will!

So I ask again, how in the heck did we get into this situation? Where has all the common sense gone, where has the kindness gene gone? If we can’t fix stupid, maybe Apple or Samsung or one of the cellular companies can engineer it that you’re unable to make a phone call within 30 feet of another person. They can create top of the line apps and features, why can’t they engineer kindness over rudeness. If it’s possible to create “Find my iPhone” or “Find my device,” they can create “no calling within earshot of another person.”

C’mon on Apple, c’mon on Big Tech get right on that!