I walk into the small confessional stall and get right down to business: Forgive me father for I have sinned. It’s been too long since my last confession. I’ve let you down in so many different ways:
–I’ve raced out of work, on my way home, paying little, if any, attention to the posted speed limit.
–Despite my best of intentions, I routinely forget to send back my R.S.V.P.
–I’ve driven without a seat belt.
–I’ve started books — great literary master pieces, popular must-reads — and have put them down to be forever forgotten with little to any thought. William Shakespeare, Earnest Hemingway, Pearl Buck, John Steinbeck, and Toni Morrison, I’m sorry one and all.
–I’ve carelessly thrown plastic bottles into the garbage can instead of the recycling container.
–I’ve printed single-paged, instead of double-sided.
–I’ve sped up instead of yielding and letting merging traffic into my lane.
–I’ve said, “what,” again and again and again, when I heard exactly what my wife had yelled up the stairs, telling me that dinner was ready.
–I’ve passed gas in a public place and looked around as if to say “where’s that smell coming from? It wasn’t me.”
–I’ve promised myself that I was going to surprise my wife with flowers and have then promptly forgotten to follow-through with buying her flowers. “On yea, honey, here’s the make believe flowers I promised to get you, but forgot to buy for you.”
–I didn’t really forget to stop for milk that time, I just didn’t want to stop on my way home from work.
–I’ve feigned sickness when I didn’t want to go somewhere. Oops, if I used this excuse to anyone reading this, I really was sick when I gave this excuse to you.
–I absolutely love Point Break, Roadhouse, Rocky, Shawshenk Redemption, and Indiana Jones, and a myriad of other guilty pleasures. They come on the TV and I’m hooked.
–I like to say that I’m a writer, but I find it easier to goof off on the web than actually sit down and write.
–I splurged on a new watch when I didn’t need one.
–I’ve wished ill will on annoying, pesky callers that call you trying to steal your identity or get you to send $500 to receive your make-believe $1 million lottery winnings.
–I’ve shot annoying glances at others waiting in line with me in public places who have talked or played videos too loudly on their phone.
–I’ve grunted and been obnoxious to people who have cut in line.
–And, oh yea, I’ve taken rudeness to a whole new level. I’ve absentmindedly left the toilet seat in the up position. Oh, how dare me!
Forgive me father for these atrocities. I’m not worthy of your all encompassing love.
In reality, I suspect God wants me to dig a little deeper in thinking about my sins, but you still get the idea.
In any event, thank you for being a loving father and I promise to do better next time . . . in all things great and small.