Repairs, cars, and stand-up comedy

I had a few thoughts last week.

A technician had to come to our house to take a look at our wifi connection. In the email, he mentioned that he would be coming between 9 and 11 a.m. on the agreed upon date. The time kept running through my head.

• If I operated like that with work, what would happen to me? I’ll tell you: I would be gone. “We can meet between 9 and 11 a.m.” The person would tell me to pound sand. “Between 9 and 11, forget it. Give me a time or don’t count on me at all.” My boss would come to me later in the day. “Hmm Brian, I think we have to have a little conversation about the meaning of time and employment.” And out the door I would go.
• I had another thought. If you’re not giving me a specific time, then you better be bringing me a gift. You know, like an Open House. I’m holding an open house from 9 to 11. I expect you to be bringing me a house warming gift. Flowers, candy, I’m not picky. Wouldn’t that be something if the HVAC technician would bring you candy?
• I’m an introvert who works from home. I don’t have time to watch for a technician and then keep them busy while they do their work. I hate someone looking over my shoulder. I certainly don’t want to be doing it to someone else. “Oh, you missed a spot there.” Of course, it is a funny image. Me? Telling a trained technician how to do his or her job?
• Sometimes the cable company or plumber doesn’t come when they say they will. My first thought is how are they going to reduce my bill? That conversation never seems to come up. Let’s talk turkey!

A couple days later I took my car in for a an oil change. Five hundred dollars later I pulled away. Of course, the prepubescent helper said I needed several different flushes and maintenance work based on my car’s mileage.

• One of us was lost and I wanted to tell him that it was him. “Go back to elementary school, kid! Let me talk to the real guy doing the work.” In reality, the “kid” was probably in his late 20s or 30s and had a spouse or significant other and a child. But he was the guy giving me the bad news and that means I get to call him all the names I want.
• The image of my car leaving me stranded took over my thoughts. Oddly enough, the band the Eagles played on the speaker. I imagined being on a dark, dimly lit highway. The scary neon Hotel California sign lit up the horizon. And the words “you can check out any time you like, but you can never leave” echoed in my mind. Yea, yea, the young kid had me, hook, line, and sinker. I was at his mercy.

• My other prevailing thought as I waited for my car to be completed was more complex. I wondered why life always keeps us on our toes. If it’s not one thing, it’s something else. Is that what it means to be quick and nimble on your feet?
• Sitting in the waiting room, I couldn’t help but take in my surroundings. The other people waiting for their cars are always funny. The extroverts especially. One guy really wanted to talk. You could tell that he wasn’t one for alone time. He wanted to talk to someone . . . anyone. I felt bad for the guy. Unfortunately, I wasn’t the guy for him. I wanted to get out of that place as fast as humanly possible.

Here’s to a quieter week. At the very least, my two appointments gave me a few laughs. That’s worth something.