I am the hero!

I have to gloat. I am . . . The Man. The Myth. The Legend. If you had a camera on me right now, you would see me strutting across my kitchen floor. My arms would be up in the air and a big old smile would be across my face. Queen’s We Are the Champions would be blasting from a speaker.

I’ve written this in the past. I fell asleep the day God gave out Do It Yourself (DIY) home repair handyman genes. I missed the small appliance fixer genes. I also missed the outdoor gardener genes. Despite having a mother and father who were good at all those things, I’ve just never had the skills myself.

My skills are so bad that it’s a running joke between my wife and myself. I can change a lightbulb, but that’s about it. I know my limitations. I’ll be the last one to tackle a plumbing or electrical issue. I always suggest putting in a vegetable garden, but my wife usually changes the subject. She knows she’ll be the one who ends taking care of it. I’m no Mr. DIY, but I still have good luck once in awhile.

As my father used to say, “even a blind squirrel can find a nut once in a while.”

Here’s what I mean. We’ve had some problems over the past few years with bees, hornets and wasps. They covet our bushes and like to make a home in our shutters and the crevices between a brick wall and siding.

Blind luck

As I thought about the problem, I remembered how an old farmer I knew used to keep wasps and hornets away from his favorite resting spot. I worked with him for two summers when I was going to college. He asked me to get a brown paper bag. I would fill it with plastic bags to give it some bulk and then place it in the corner of the porch. Bees and wasps think it’s a hornet’s nest and stay away.

When I told my wife about my idea, she laughed at me. Let me repeat that. She outright laughed at me. Oh ye of little faith. She thought I had made it up. When I told her it was real solution, she joked that I must have seen it on a reel on my phone. She was half right. I did see a reel on it, but she didn’t know that I had seen it work in real life.

Go Brian Go

So on one Sunday, I put the bag in the corner of the eave. And you know what, it worked. No more wasps. No more bees.

Okay, it was a silly solution, but it still worked. Brian to the rescue! My Mr. Fix-It Skills came through in the clutch. My wife even had to admit that I had fixed the problem. Of course, I was still strutting around the house and calling myself “The Man” the next day when I had to ask her for some help reinstalling a sliding door. Ugh.

I guess I need to go easy next time on the “Brian, you’re a hero” stuff!!!