Creating some hope – Part IV

When ESPN honored former college basketball coach and announcer Jim Valvano with its Arthur Ashe Courage and Humanitarian Award in 1993, his body was ravaged by cancer. He was so weak from the illness that he considered skipping the event. He feared he wouldn’t be able to walk up the six or seven steps from his seat to the stage, forget about addressing the packed auditorium.

Yet, he battled through the pain and gave an unforgettable speech. In it, he laid out his blueprint for a productive day.

“To me, there are three things we all should do every day. We should do this every day of our lives. Number one is laugh. You should laugh every day. Number two is think. You should spend some time in thought. Number three is you should have your emotions moved to tears, could be happiness or joy. But think about it. If you laugh, you think and you cry, that’s a full day. That’s a heckuva day. You do that seven days a week, you’re going to have something special.”

Valvano died two months after receiving the award. Over the years, his recipe for a productive life has spoken to me. I’ve always found the first half of the recipe — laughing and thinking — to be inspirational. The last third, crying? Well, that’s been something altogether different.

For starters, our society tends to send us mixed messages about crying. Oh, it generally tells us that crying is fine. We’ve all heard the encouragement: “it’s okay to cry.” If you believe that line, though, I have some nice beachfront property in Arizona to offer you for sale. When the chips are down, those in authority often instruct us to stay guarded. They tell us to keep our emotions under control and to push through our pain.

And, of course, they would be full of baloney, nonsense, and hogwash. There’s a few other names I can think of, but these three seem to fit the bill.

No matter what anyone would lecture or tell us, crying is a good thing. Crying releases oxytocin and endorphins, which helps relieve both physical and emotional pain. It reduces anxiety. Crying — whether it’s tears of joy, sadness, or even laughter — plays an incredibly important role in helping us to process our emotions and experiences.

Oh, the experts can describe the benefits of crying better than I ever could. I just know that my own tears have taught me that crying is an “authentically human trait.” There’s nothing more vulnerable or down to earth. Tears are tangible proof that we feel and that we’re passionate about others and things bigger than ourselves.

Some folks might try to fake the act of crying with others. It’s difficult though to lie to ourselves about tears. Either you’re all in and have them or you don’t. There’s no in-between stage. And, when it comes right down to it, the act of crying and the release of emotion gives us hope for a better tomorrow.

Five Things That Make Me Cry:

• Charle’s Dicken’s A Christmas Carol. “And so, as Tiny Tim observed, God bless Us, Every One!”
• The loss of a loved one whether a loving spouse or a newborn child. The American television show “This is Us” ran for six years from 2016 to 2022 and had its share of highs and lows. Some critics complained about the show’s tendency to make viewers cry. I guess that’s true, but life can be hard. In this scene, Dr. Nathan Katowski urges Jack “to take the sourest lemon life has to offer, and turn it into something resembling lemonade.”

• In 1973, Penn State University running back John Cappelletti finished the season with 1,522 yards and 17 touchdowns and was awarded the Heisman Trophy, given annually to the best college football player. Cappelletti dedicated the trophy to his little brother Joey who suffered from Leukemia.

“The youngest member of my family, Joseph, is very ill,” John said in his acceptance speech. “I think a lot of people think that I go through a lot on Saturdays and during the week as most athletes do, and you get your bumps and bruises and it is a terrific battle out there on the field. Only for me it is on Saturdays and it’s only in the fall.

For Joseph, it is all year round and it is a battle that is unending with him and he puts up with much more than I’ll ever put up with and I think that this trophy is more his than mine because he has been a great inspiration to me.” Tragically, Joey would die from the disease a few years later.

• When it finally dawns on George Bailey in It’s A Wonderful Life that he wants to live. He’s overcome with emotion and runs home in the snow to find Mary and Zuzu’s petals. When he gets home, he learns that “he’s the richest man in town.”

• Leave it to a beer company to find a way to touch even the toughest tough-guy hearts. The story of Budweiser’s Lost Dog.
• Ruth’s death in the movie Fried Green Tomatoes. A Lady Always Knows When to Leave. 

“It’s all right to cry. Crying gets the sad out of you.” —Rosey Grier.

The final post in this series will run on Monday, March 17. 

Related Stories:

• Creating some hope – Part I
• Creating some hope – Part II
• Creating some hope – Part III