Hollywood lied

When I was a kid, I was certain that quicksand would be the death of me. I’ve written in the past about how I was convinced that I would step into a deep pond of quicksand and not be able to get out. You couldn’t blame me for feeling that way. Quicksand seemed to show up all the time on television shows in the 70s and 80s like Gilligan’s Island to the Incredible Hulk. You never knew when your favorite character was going to need to find a creative way to get out of a tough quicksand pickle.

Of course, I’ve never come across any, but you never know. I’ve been thinking about a few other things that I thought would be more common then they’ve been. Tops on that list, I used to think that I would need a personal taste tester, when I was rich and famous, because poisonings were so common. 

Poisonings seemed to happen all the time according to TV. The bad guy would find a way to get into the main character’s office or den and poison a decanter of whiskey. Just when the main character was about to take a sip, another key character would race into the room slapping the drink to the ground. It seemed like an everyday thing. As luck would have it, I guess you can check that one off the list too. It hasn’t been a problem. Who knew? 

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.

Speeding away in my get-away car

In addition, I thought for sure I would need to learn how to hot-wire a car. I remember being disappointed that I didn’t know how to do that. I would need to hot-wire a car to get away in a hurry. I’ve found myself in a lot of crazy situations, but I’ve never had the cops or the bad guys chasing me and needing to “borrow” a quick ride.

It couldn’t be all that hard right? Two wires and away I’d be going.

Photo by Anete Lusina on Pexels.

Hiding my valuables

Finally, I remember back in the day, it seemed like everyone on The Rockford Files, Magnum PI, and Charlies Angels had a lock-pick set to break into any home or office or industrial site. On top of it, they all had a bank safe in their home. The safe was always hidden behind some piece of artwork. It had a combination and could hold important financial papers, maybe a handgun, and stacks and stacks of money. 

Thomas Magnum, where are you when I need you?  

I have a will, passports, and a few important papers, but no bank safe behind the dusty painting we have hanging up in our den. Nope, wrong again. 

I want my money back, Hollywood led me astray. 

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48 thoughts on “Hollywood lied”

  2. After reading your post, I felt compelled to share my perspective, drawing from my two decades as a Paramedic and Firefighter. My experiences in the field have given me a unique insight into some of the topics you’ve discussed, particularly concerning poisonings, car theft, and the realities of gun violence.

    Firstly, on the topic of poisonings, they aren’t as dramatic or immediate as depicted on television. While cyanide might act differently, I’ve thankfully never encountered a cyanide poisoning case throughout my career. The portrayals often exaggerate the speed and drama of the effect, which doesn’t align with what I’ve seen in real-life medical emergencies.

    Regarding hot-wiring cars, it’s fascinating how media portrays it as a swift, effortless task. While it used to be relatively easy with older model cars, where one simply had to run the starter motor briefly and maintain the ignition wire’s connection, modern vehicles have changed the game entirely. Nowadays, cars are equipped with computers that prevent the engine from starting without the physical presence of the key. This advancement has made the classic hot-wiring nearly impossible for most modern cars.

    When it comes to wall safes, my experience is limited. In my line of work, the encounters with safes usually involve larger ones that are bolted to the floor, not the smaller, hidden wall safes commonly seen in movies. It seems practicality often differs from the mystique of hidden compartments and treasures in cinematic tales.

    Lastly, I want to touch upon the discussion around gun violence, as you mentioned Magnum PI. It’s disheartening to see politicians often distort the reality of this issue. In my extensive career in public safety, I’ve witnessed hundreds of deaths, yet only a fraction of these tragedies involved firearms. This discrepancy highlights a significant gap between political rhetoric, Hollywood, and the actual statistics on gun-related fatalities.

    I hope my insights, rooted in real-life experiences, add a valuable dimension to the conversation. It’s crucial to differentiate between dramatized portrayals and the realities faced by those of us in public safety and emergency services.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Love the perspective. Pretty much what I thought about poisonings and hot-wiring. At least as an adult. As far as guns go, I grew up in rural America so I probably have a more lenient perspective than some. However, I have real issues with the extremes of both sides (esp the far right) who fail to address the issue at all. We’ve lost too many innocent people to not come to the table and talk with kindness and understanding about common sense changes. Just my perspective. Thanks for stopping by!!!!

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  6. You gave me a good laugh today. I remember the quicksand, too. We were convinced as kids that we’d get stuck in it — somewhere. Mostly we had puddles we jumped in during our rainy walks to school. My husband once bought a big pick up truck that didn’t fit in our garage or driveway. We had it parked outside on the street. Once I got in to drive and the ignition was missing! Someone tried to hot wire it.

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    1. A cliché is a cliché because it worked once. I’m sure there are many other tropes. These jumped to mind. I’m sure if I was talented enough to talk my way into a Hollywood writer’s rooms, I’d be pulling out “the quicksand idea” — whether it made sense or not — every time I couldn’t think of something more creative. A slow point in the Barbie movie . . . Hmm, Ken falls into some quicksand and needs Barbie’s, aka Margot Robbie’s, help. Yea, yea, that sounds right. The writers of Abbott Elementary need something funny to happen to Quinta Brunson’s character. Hey what about some quicksand. The show is set in Philly, but that’s okay, we’ll make it work. Ha, ha.

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  8. Love this! Wait til I tell my sister, Lisa, later about your post – mentioning Magnum P.I. We had a long chat yesterday about her love of Tom Selleck in that role and she startled humming the theme song…and then broke out into the “Rockford Files” song…with more trivia. It’s Lisa’s super skill…all those good detective shows from our youth! 🥰😎🥰

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  11. The fear of quicksand was really a big issue for me. I think I’m still afrsid. We were really liked to.

    Brian, I had a really good laugh this night. I’m going to share this post with my family.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Haha, the poison save was such a classic plot gimmick growing up. And ditto the Hotwiring a car. Although the latter is definitely a good skill to have in case of zombies one day!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. 😂😝🤣 Brian my comedic friend, you are too daggone funny! So glad you stayed away from that quicksand and speeding getaway cars with your millions of dollars stashed in a suitcase in the trunk. 🚗💲💲💲🏃🏼‍♂️ Hey, we all bought into the hype. It’s all good! LOL 😁

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  15. One thing I swallowed without ever thinking twice is how every alien on every planet in the universe spoke Canadian English. (I learned later that American actors take speech classes to lose their accents & drawls. Brits can usually keep theirs.)
    Things were handed to us that now, you think…”Wait a minute…that just can’t be!” But I lost all faith in TV facts when I learned that Lassie was actually a Laddie.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Ah yes – that quicksand. A big worry for me too. I love this roundup of the fears that have never materialized. You’re making me feel stronger and better knowing these things will likely not be in my future. Love this post, Brian!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. I was afraid of volcanoes and robots – Terminator was broadcast a lot on television when I was a kid. Well, technology can always malfunction so you never know when it comes to robots… hopefully we’ll never have to find out. 🙂

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    1. So the question I have is this: when the technology starts to malfunction will it be the “Good Arnold” or the “Bad Terminator Arnold?” Ha, ha. Yes, hopefully we’ll never find out. And you’re right about volcanoes. They always seem to be a problem in the movies/tv shows.

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