Learning to forgive

My mother was doing some last minute errands. I’m sure that towing me along for the ride two days before Christmas was the last thing on her mind. We walked into the store and I was somehow able to convince my mom to make a “quick stop” at the toy section and, then when then it was time to leave, I begged for a toy. My mom told me “no,” but I continued to whine and cry until she had to carry me out of the store.

Over the years, the trip stayed with me in the back of my mind. I was embarrassed at how I had acted. When I had kids of my own and I thought back about how I acted and how we didn’t have a ton of money, the trip became even bigger in my mind.

The event was was so fresh that a few years ago, when I saw my mom over Christmas, I apologized to her. At first my mom told me that she didn’t even remember the incident. When I reminded her about it, she laughed. When I pressed her more, she said that she had long ago forgave me. She claimed that I was never a bad kid, but we both know the real truth.

Philosophers have written books on forgiveness. It’s a strange and beautiful thing. We all want to forgive others, but it can a tough skill to master – to intentionally let go of resentment and anger. I feel fortunate to have grown up and learned first-hand from a master on the subject. 

Here’s a few additional thoughts. 

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38 thoughts on “Learning to forgive

  1. I like the Jessica Lange and Gandhi quotes. The words “tolerance and acceptance” demonstrate understanding that we are all human—we will make mistakes and have differences of opinion. Still, we can be kind.

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  2. Powerful quotes and great story. Yes, forgiveness is a wonderful thing. Its healing, like the quote says it sets the prisoner free and you find out the prisoner was you! So true. Unforgiveness in our hearts hurts us more than we think. Some things can be a lot harder to forgive than little things, but it is possible!

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  3. Funny how transgressions stick with us — especially our own. I loved this: “She claimed that I was never a bad kid, but we both know the real truth.” I think the fact that you apologized to her years later = proof positive that you’re a good, good son. 😉

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  4. Forgiveness is indeed a permanent attitude and a necessary component of love. That story in the toy section is a classic, Brian. Your mom did the right thing as did you with the apology. Makes a great story years later. 😊

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  5. Mothers are well known for forgiving. That unconditional love isn’t often even realized. It sounds like you had a good one.

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  6. I love MLK’s quote, he was right. The Bible speaks of forgiveness as well. I find it easy to forgive others because Lord knows I have committed my share of nasty stuff!

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  7. Thank you for sharing these quotations, Brian. Forgiveness is something I’m still trying to master in some cases. Forgiving ourselves can be the hardest, and most important, forgiveness of all.

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  8. When I think of some of the stupid things I did growing up, it is truly embarrassing. I don’t know if my mother would remember or not, but she is gone now and I cannot apologize, only regret. My kids did a lot of stupid stuff too, but I never remind them or thow it up to them. It is in the past and not who they are now. Everyone makes mistakes. You just move on and try not to do anything else.

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  9. I’ve had instances like this too, where I remember something from years ago and feel the need to atone (and have) even if the other person forgets. It’s freeing for us, even if it does nothing for them because they don’t remember. I just hope bringing up the long-past slight doesn’t irritate the other person anew. The quote about the prisoner seems especially astute to me. Good stuff, Brian. 🙂

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  10. Forgiveness helps us as much or more than those who we forgive. My husband held a grudge against someone he loaned money to who never repaid him. We were sitting in church, listening to a sermon about forgiveness, and my husband forgave the person. I lifted a weight off my husband’s shoulders and attitude.

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  11. “To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you.” I learned that lesson the day I forgave my ex and friend for their adulterous indiscretion. It only took two years, but it was worth it in the end!

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  12. Oh Brian, what a beautiful post. It truly highlights how hard it is to have enough faith to forgive ourselves as God has forgiven us. As far “as the East is from the West,” He has forgiven us. One of my favorite expressions is, “He has not escaped who drags his chains behind him.” As God knows, forgiveness is true freedom. Blessings back,

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