New on the job

My hands became clammy. I started to fret over what to say and how to fit in with the rest of my coworkers. The anxious feeling in the pit of my stomach ticked off like a bomb waiting to go off and I cursed when I accidentally spilled my water bottle onto my tie. 

The ink on my college diploma was barely dry, I was a young twenty-something, I was on my first day on the job, and I was a wreck. 

I hate first days. I hated first day jitters years ago in my first job and I hate them now. First days of school, first days of work, the type doesn’t matter, I hate them all. Oh I know most people hate first days, but I find them especially bothersome. I hate the uneasiness of trying to read the room, the useless chit-chat and ice-breakers, and figuring out everyone’s expectations. Most of all, I hate the uncomfortable feeling of not knowing where I fit.

I moved into a new position recently and all of the old feelings came rushing back. I steadied my nervous hands and logged onto my first meeting via Microsoft Teams. When it came time for me to introduce myself to my new team, I stuttered and stammered my way through my response. In a deja vu moment, I even managed to spill my glass of water on the video conference meeting in front of everyone. No wet tie this time, just a wet shirt. I did the only thing I could: I laughed.

When I clicked off my laptop at the end of the day, I let out a sigh. Of course, I cringed, fretted, and made myself miserable, but I survived the first day. I’m a grown man. I suspect I’ll always feel this way about first days. The story of my life. 

However, I’ve come to an important realization: I may not like first days, they’ll always cause me jitters, but I absolutely love second days.

Wish me continued luck.