Thou shalt judge

I saw a meme the other day that nailed me to a “t.”

It read:

Things I will not judge you for: Sexuality, religion or race.

The meme then included three things that I will judge you for: Not signaling, while driving; how you treat wait staff; and which way you place the toilet paper.

The first one — judging people who fail to properly signal — sums me up perfectly. If you’re respectful to me, if you’re nice to me, I really could care less about your sex, religion or race. I would probably throw age and politics in there too.

Forget to use your turn signal though and I’ll make broad, sweeping generalizations about you, your family, and your long-forgotten ancestors. The meme got me thinking about other seemingly silly actions that I most certainly judge others:

—Other drivers who drive endlessly in the the left lane.

—Others who talk loudly on their cellphone in public places.

—Which you choose to start your day: Coffee, latte, tea, soda or, God forbid, something caffeine-free like juice.

—Going with the standard one space after a period or the archaic two spaces.

—Failing to properly use the Oxford comma.

—How many cars you let yield in front of you: one car, you’re kind, you’re safe; two or more cars, you’re a softie, who gets taken advantage of by others.

—How you talk about fly-over states, ie Middle America. Talk with respect about the farmers and people that make up small-town America and you’re fine, talk down about them, talk about your fancy restaurants and clubs in the big city, and even though I haven’t regularly lived in a village, “ville,” or town in years, and I’ll write you off as a smug, urban jerk.

—Whether you choose Coke or Pepsi.

—Whether you’re a Mac or Microsoft person.

—If you’re a bandwagon-jumper and root for the New York Yankees or the Dallas Cowboys.

—How you talk about your parents.

—How you treat others who can’t help you.

I know some of these are silly, but I think they’re telling. If you’re nice to the little people than that tells me a lot about how you’re going to treat the people who really matter in your life.