Saying no to other’s expectations!

Society likes to talk a lot about the roles of the sexes. Madison avenue, social media influencers, political figures all have their thoughts and opinions: Men should do this; women should do that. In particular, the thought is that men are expected to be loud, aggressive and bold. We’re supposed to be tough, but not too tough. We’re supposed to be strong, but not overpower the room.

I don’t get caught up in other’s expectations. Most times I find them amusing.

Image by Ketut Subiyanto via Pexels.

However, I was listening to a song that that came on my Spotify mix recently and it talked about what it meant to be a man. I had to laugh. My best “Man Moments” over the past few years have had nothing to do with strength, force, or power. 

They had everything to do with listening, caring, and being there for others. 

Putting others first

• When I think of being a man and a great father, I think of rearranging my work schedule recently so that we could pick up my son from college and give him his first weekend home away from school. I think of the drive home and the look on his face when I told him that, yes, he needs to manage his expenses wisely, but he’s doing a great job and we’ve got his back. The weight of the world looked like it had been lifted off his back.

• I think too of our every-so-often call with my oldest daughter and letting her talk about her job and her hopes and dreams. For me, anyway, being a good man is knowing to shut my mouth and just listen. It meant giving up the expert role, the advisor in chief, who has seen and experienced everything, and, instead, giving her the floor and celebrating her wins.

• And then finally, I think of picking up my oldest son from the airport. He’s a Sergeant in the United States Marines Corps. I always give him a hug and notice right away how rock solid he stands. A real man is being there for him, letting him decompress and know that he’s always got a home to come home to and get away from it all. As a young leader, he has a large team looking back at him for answers. We could rough-house on the floor (okay, I would get my butt whipped) or talk about manly things, but that’s not what he needs. He needs to know that he can come home and be himself.

Image by Andrea Piacquadio via Pexels.

Making it simple

I get that men are oftentimes more competitive and traditionally have played the protector and provider role. I get too that we’ll probably debate gender roles until the end of time, but I still get surprised sometimes that people fail to see that strength comes in many different shapes and sizes.